Bang the Doldrums

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January 2009
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i need to stop thinking about it. no matter how hard i try, you're forever on my mind.

got our report books today. got what i expected, i guess.
horrible standard. i dont even know how i pass through gep.
there are always those freaking stupid expectations: "you're supposed to be so smart what."
yeah. i'm sorry to disappoint you.
i'm not as smart as you think.
and i'm super happy the holidays are here. cos i dont have to face up to people who are way higher standard then me.
people who make it clear that they're better than everyone else.
people who make me so freaking pissed.
i'm supposed to get over 3. everyone freaking got over 3. everyone else.
wtf is wrong with me.
i was supposed to have improved. TWO POINT F-ING SEVEN.
someone tell me how i improved. D for chinese.
stupid. i shouldnt have vowed that i'd improve chinese. and math. and geog.
i'm doomed to suck.
i know this is supposed to be "good" standard, but how the hell am i going to live up to all the expectations.
mine, my family's [they think i'm some kind of super genius], and the school's.
i'll just try harder.
grades are about the most stupid thing ever invented. please, for our sanity, take them AWAY.

last day of school today.
had rio tinto big science thing. quite easy. but some questions i think i screwed.
only managed to go for sp for like, 10 minutes. -.-
band camp next week. i think i'll be able to go for three days.
on the third i have to fetch my cousin at the airport, and my grandma.
they're coming to watch rhythm too.
i'm gonna practice like mad. so i wont screw up the concert.
just like i screw up everything else.

sigh. post more when i feel happier.
i need cass's counseling.

don't want to know, i'm okay with the silence. its truth that i don't want to hear.