stayed back today for LA roleplaying ass.
went to KLP and ate KFC and walked around like a bunch of hobos.
And went to coldstorage to look at pork.
And went to look for icecream at mrbean which was closed, to chityee's utter disappointment.
felicia, chityee and zhimin.
i'm supposed to be celery and tubal. -.-
and felicia (man) is supposed to wear a yellow maid's outfit which ireallywannasee.
and rongying's gonna poledance.
how interesting can this get.
(at least its not porn. ahem. chityee.)

i think i've gone insane.
yeah, there are times when i'm pissed off at everybody.
and there are times where i look out the window for no reason.
i'm not suicidal though.
i run screaming from every knife or sharp thing i see.
its tomorrow, shit.
what do i do.
to make up for it.
all of it.

HASTHISEVERHAPPENEDTOYOU?! - I have no ball!
Look no further! Thanks to the big green inflatable bouncy ball, you'll never want to say you dont have a big green inflatable bouncy ball again. xD



i just knew zhengjun might love something like this.

and a rant on music which makes perfect sense. O.o



and moviesinminutes for saw 12!


haha enjoy.
quicknofail cheeruppers.
that makes no sense.
but anyway.
i'm gonna go poop my pants now. xD

Perhaps just one more, for luck?

#120.
I WANT THE DEATHLY HALLOWS. [AND I LOVE SNAPE.]
They're so cool haha.
The Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone and the Cloak of Invisibility. And Severus Snape.
I shall steal them from HarryPotter.
[haha look i'm sinking back in the HPFandom.]

Today was normal.
I finished the Deathly Hallows Book today.
I kept lingering at the part where Harry died. [:P spoilerrrr]
And then I'll shake the book in Cass's face and go: HARRY POTTER'S ABOUT TO DIE!
And then she'll stare at me like I'm some kind of idiot.

At least my day was well spent thinking of Harry Potter and all those poor people who died in the Battle of Hogwarts and Dobby cos he died too.
Fred shouldn't have died. O.o
And neither should've Lupin and Tonks when they've just produced a baby together. [that sounds weird. produced a baby. -.-]
And Chinese. I was thinking about Chinese.
Somehow.

Sighh. I don't know how to post photos.
Other than upload it on some social networking website and get the code.
But where on earth do I find a social networking website [=.= Facebook.]
Then everyone'll be able to see it.
NAHHHH.

I don't know what to post anymore.
And I don't have photos.
Come on blogger. I need your fcking formatting bar back.
So I can paste photos of my beautiful life.
[that's irrational.]

Heck.
I'm going to dance around pretending I have an Invisibility Cloak now.
[Obviously I'm joking. I'm going to mourn Fred and George's Ear and Mad-Eye Moody and Dumbledore and Sirius Black and Harry Potter's parents and Dobby and Lupin and Tonks and uh. Voldemort. And Snape.]
That's a lot of people to mourn. -.-
SIGH. J.K. ROWLING, WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL?
I'm gonna write another book and raise them back to life. xD
I'm going insane. Is there such thing as a HARRYPOTTERHIGH?
I'm going through one right now.
Haha.

There was a clatter as the Basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione's arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

'Is this the moment?' Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice. 'OI! There's a war going on here!'
MYGOSH I LOVE THIS SCENE.

omg. =.=
blogger is still so screwed.
i think i'm typing in html wth.
At least the box is long enough. Then I can see how long a sentence I'm typing.

the 7day long MC ends tomorrow, oh joy.
This means I get to go back to school and pretend to sulk while I act like some cowardly idiot again!
YAYYYYYY.

Sigh. I think this is what the school holidays are SUPPOSED to feel like.
I'm so poor and deprived.
Belinda delivered my homework the other day. (Bet you can just hear the hyperactive excitement)
It wasn't THAT bad, considering I only had 2 Math things and 2 Geog Things and the Crap MOV Reflection to do.
Oh fck, I forgot the YueDuBuTie. DAMN. I hate my life. As it is now. -.-
Damnit, I don't wanna go back just for Jap tomorrow.
Can I skip another day?
For my health, and my sanity, you know.

My sister's and mom's birthday was this weekend.

We waited till midnight on the 24th/25th and had some delicious cake.
The fish and co cheesecake was awesome.
I ate like 1 of 2 pieces. -.-
We gave mom our gifts and got till 1am or 2am cos the cake made us too hyper.
The next day we just sorta stayed home.
And then we waited till midnight again for Trysh's birthday.
I'm really jealous. D:
She got a pair of awesome black Zildjian Hickory Drumsticks that the professionals use, and a pair of black highcut Chuck Taylors.
WHYYYYY. This is all cos she went to mail around her wishlist. -.-
At least that day when we went to Tampines Mall my dad finally bought me the Deathly Hallows.

Oh damn. I don't have photos xD
I think stealing the drumsticks are in order.

I think this proves the theory that Laura is better off at home, so why not suspend or expel her or something.
She's much happier that way.
Not stuck with subjects that melt her brain and problems that melt it even more.

I'm dreading Tuesday.
I really am.

(In the meantime, I'm drowning myself with funny vids from ShaneDawsonTV on YouTube while in a desperate attempt to stare down the homework pile! Wow, I have no life!)

Reach for something that's already gone
(Attempting to italicise when theres no fcking format bar. o.o)

-.- is this a new blogger thing. its abit frustrating yeah. sighh. stupid small preview box that i have to type in.
now i'm not sure whether what i type is enough and whether it will just appear in one awkward line.
trust my blogskin to be so long and yeah. awkward.
like ron. [thats not a very satisfactory link, but still, it works, doesnt it.]

stuck with an mc till next tuesday. cannot prac for indoor test, which happens to be next monday. D:
i'm gonna die come monday. or tuesday. whatever. -.-
i'm gonna march in there, proclaim that i didnt practice, get a scolding, fail, and be sent outside with nothing but a big fat zero.
omg. i am so darn screwed. i need to do all that i can. why didnt i lug the trombone home when i saw that stupid 38.4degree temp.

this weekend's gonna be jampacked with celebrations.
cos my sister's birthday on sunday, and my mom's birthday on saturday. (i didn't forget thiri's birthday too xP)
[as a treat, we're off to watch hbp. so late after the release, but thats usually how we did movies a long time ago, so i consider myself lucky. xD]

bah. gonna drown in the mountain of hw tmr.
which belinda happens to be delivering. my parents happened to ask me to ask her for a favour.
there's still that dilemma about the indoor test. i'm supposed to be practising more than the rest of my braces.
and now i'm practising less. i'm way behind. ohshit i'm so screwed.
i'm gonna search the internet for scales and memorise them. so that i can do something at home. =.=

and to add insult to um. whatever you call it, i am now officially hiding from the twins. =.=
everytime i go on dhs mail one of them spams me. omg.
then zheng guan adds me into his class convo and i'm left hopelessly out of place.
they're trying to kill me. i know it.
why me? am i that interesting. and then zhengjun spams me with some harrypotter quiz which he asks for exact details. dude, only someone who reads the book and memorises every small detail will know that.
like yeah. with a magnifying glass. -.-
come on.

sigh. i bet you're having the time of your lives without me, huh.
don't want me to come back, do you? what if i said i don't care about you.
i'm coming back, and there's nothing you can do about it. (:

i know at least a few ppl (who bug me and sms me and tagged me) who want me to come back.
stupid mc needs a complete 7 days. i'll just come back and infect you all and then you'll get to stay home. joking. its not even H1N1, dudes. heck.
thanks for the get well wishes people. (: my fever went considerably better than my sister's. so i'm good.

sigh. scales. homework. twins. mc. save me please. :/

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain.

face it. i'm just a stupid ignorant immature hopeless idiot who screws up everything she tries. yeah i know the word try is not enough. it never is. fuck.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD :]

it seems like just yesterday that it was fathers day :]
you still rock, and iloveyou.

thank goodness trysha's okay. :]
thanks to all the ppl who were concerned abt her yesterday.
you guys helped me stay grounded and made sure i didnt panic myself into some heart attack.

watching hbp tomorrow.
kinda late.
cant wait :] lol bet its a good thing i'm currently harrypotter-crazed.
read wikipedia's film thing and realized that some cool scenes were cut o.o
but i bet it'll still rock. haha.
anticipating the double-movie deathly hallows yayyy

i fell asleep before midnight dang.
so i missed the cake.
but we ordered pizza hut for lunch so... :]

friday sp-ed with the seniors.
i realized that the braces sucken my tone. and they kinda suck. xD [is there such a word? o.o]
indoor test approaching too. i'm hopeless with memorizing scales unless its position rofl.
but there's that exhilaration from band again.
like yeah. that happy feeling.
i hope indoor test's not on monday.
because if i have to take it then, i'll be dead.

and some confirmation: that part abt the stone faced ignorance, the guy's not even from 2L, heck, he might not even be from the school. so...
hope its doesnt offend anyone. (:

ohfk. our rs is so screwed right now.
i hope the presentation goes well on monday.
one-hour-before-school chiong ahhh.

damn. playlist.com's got that stupid license restriction deal again.
i want my davidcook back.

going to numb my brain [and kill lots of brain cells] with meaningless facebooking and the random strumming of violent songs on my guitar [which will kill skin and nail cells i'm sure.]
that sounds so much fun!

can you help me find a way to carry on again.

help me please.
trysha, please be okay.
please come back from the hospital safe.

this week was a horrible week.
a fked up, horrible, insanely mad week.

first, i don't get a few things.
why the hell do i keep complaining. why the hell do i keep appearing emo to everyone else.
why the hell am i even being SAD, when i'm the one who's at fault.
why the fk do i have to keep silent.
i dont know what the hell to say.
i dont know what to do.
IS IT SO FCKING HARD TO JUST GO OVER AND SAY HI.
why do i have to make an issue abt everything.
its not even a valid excuse. "Oh, you know I was scared..." why do i spurt out so much needless crap.
pull yourself TOGETHER, and DO SOMETHING.
i cant just sit there and expect magic to happen.

and then YOU come along.
when my week is going bad enough will all that stupid-ass internal argument.
talking about that thing you adore so much.
i'm sick of those disapproving looks everytime you see me.
sick of all those under-your-breath muttering i hear when i'm nearby.
all those grimacing, stone-faced ignorance.
i don't care what you think about me.
just stop making it so obvious that you hate me.
i'm perfectly fine with internal hating.
but all this outward stuff is too hard to handle.
honestly, i liked it better when you were making fun of me.

damn, i hope trysha's okay.
i dont want anything to happen to her right before my dad's birthday.
please. be okay.

nothing's gonna change the things that i said, nothing's gonna make it right again
please don't turn your back i can't believe it's hard just to talk to you, you won't understand.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELVIN!
lol i left out the a on purpose dudes.

uh. today was okay i guess.
pe was uber tiring. ran 1.6 all over again.
captains ball which was veryvery rough. felicia fell on her butt and sortof skidded. O.o hope she's okay :] then i can contract her chest somemore.
the rest of the day almost died.
then we discovered our jap teacher quarantined or smth.
but anyways, we got sent to J2.15 for class.
lol its very nice there. the mood is much more friendly and much more interactive and interesting.
and bright. stupid 2nd floor classroom la. make me want to sleep every single time.
so for the first time, jap was actually interesting.
when i left i was actually like: "ITS OVER?!"

lol watched dragonball:evolution justnow on dvd.
quite cool.
trysh was like whispering in my ear the whole time: "youknow the guy's very shuai!"
i know his name's justin chatwin. =.=
yeah it was freaky.
he turned into some kindof demon and some green guy with no hair was there too.
quite funny also i think.

my parents watching streetfighter.
but i cannot, cos i need to sleep.
tomorrow's gonna be another horrible day, so why not smile about it?
=.= okay yeah thats not gonna happen.
yuppppp. i'm so dead.

very sian today overall.
and i failed mensuration. =.= no calculator wth.
2. so i'm currently spamming my assessment book with practice.
i think i'm starting to get it.
the diff between volume and surface area.
sigh.
does it get better?

i'm checking into rehab because everything we had didn't mean a thing to you.

ohmygosh. ohmygosh.
-.- why are my mum and dad suddenly deciding to get facebook.
and my dad had to post a vid of me playing the guitar.

recently hooked back on harry potter yeah.
i need a distraction because i cant keep staying depressed and suicidal.
before i cut myself a nice little harry potter scar on my forehead.
stayed back at the library today with melvin cass zhimin jianchong patty iris jingpei.
i was damn late and i think i pissed melvin off. :\
i couldnt eat so fast and the porridge semeed frikin never ending.
sigh.
our rs quite screwed.
i screwed the ppt with some unnecessary photo sighh.

i realized i cannot eat anything NICE until thursday. D:
shit.
i'll have to endure.

lol zheng guan went to add me in his class chat lol.
so weird.
freaked me out.
short post again. :]

now i'm so broken that i can't get up.

went for classbonding session at kallang leisure park today.
before that some ppl played netball so cass, venus, thiri and i stayed in the canteen.
then at 12 started walking to kallang leisure park.
the journey was as fun as the lunch.
we went to the 158 bus-stop, and found ryfelchitty running after us.
cass was all: "OH LOOK WE FOUND A DOG!"
ryfelchitty were trying to read lalalulufafafufubird. -.-
"lala lulu fafa fufu... wait is that an f anot? it looks like a k leh. i know! you're a kukubird! see, rongying must be the kuku and jianchong must be the bird!"
-.- then at the road rongying made us all scream at an approaching car wth.
then halfway through, ryfelchitty were taking song requests. -.-
lol. we walked for like half an hour, then finally reached kallang leisure park.

had a short debate abt where to eat, then we decided on kfc.
lol. again haha. went ytd before sp too.
then we randomed alot. weiqiang and rongying and peishan and cass and patty and sxinyi and melvin were all at my table. the other included fel, chitty, venus, jianchong, vivian i think.
yeah cass's mashed potato mix of doom. =.=
talked abt transformers 2 with melvin.
had fun showing peishan cass and rongying how transformers mate. like i heard on muttons.
i think it went something like.

me: i know how transformers have babies!
cass and rongying: HOWHOW!
me: they put thumbdrive into usb port, in and out, in and out!
cass and rongying: -laugh like mad-
weiqiang: WAIT!
me: huh.
weiqiang: must safely remove hardware first mah!

-.- lol.
then yeah. lol. the others decided to watch a movie, but cass, vivian, rongying, sxinyi, venus and weiqiang decided to go home, so i went too.
lol caught the art exhibit on the way back. randomed and took rongying saying:
chenshijiehua kongquemaquehujihua kongquemaquehujiahua kongquemaquehujihua I LOVE JULIAAAA. I LOVE JULIAAAAA.

[edit] O.o wth can post vids one ah.

behold the retardation in low quality! -.- [/edit]

=.=
lol rongying so random.
then we took group photo and went home.
i randomed with vivian and sxinyi.
today fairly cheered me up.
and i realized that surviving without social attention has left me hopeless and back to the old ways of sticking to people. sighhh. its cos i'm too chicken to fix anything.
damn. i should just shut up with the stupid ranting. and not bother anyone else with my problem. its damn despo and probably fcking irritating to them. so yeah.
-.-
and i'm really excited for braces tmr.
i wanna get mine in orange.
photos! :D

when all your dreams are shattered, everything is beautiful.

dammit why did i have to be hesitant.
everytime i try to do it, i freaking choke up.
i cant drag this on any longer.
what the hell, i need help.
why in the world do i have this stupidass problem.

tuesday sucked big time.
LA was okay i guess. changed to single row.
honestly, whats the diff.
PE sucked like crap. i ran 5 rounds, and started feeling short of breath and lightheaded.
damnit am i that out of shape?
then during frisbee i almost fainted/threw up.
so i sat down for the last bit.
cass sat next to me, yeah it was comforting, but the thing didnt get any better dang.
in class also felt like crap.
fel, ry and chitty confronted me abt stuff.
fel was stupid as always. "YOUR CHEST CONTRACTING MAH!!!"
ry and chitty didnt help.
but i didnt feel like actually whacking them. actually i slapped rongying, but yeah. she's rongying.
the rest of the day was a blur actually. just sit down there, trying to breathe properly.
then after a while it went away.
jap sucked too.
i almost fell asleep, then we doodled aimless stuff on rongying's textbook and my notebook.
"cookie haus of doom" =.=
i gone mad liao.

wednesday [today] kinda sucked too.
the day started with that same irritating feeling in my chest.
my mom thinks i'm not used to exercise le.
lsp was memorable. global warming is scary, and it will get scarier so must do something.
eh. during math i had another breath shortage damn.
sat there breathing deeply then when i stood up i almost fell over.
my dad suggested i'm hyperventilating. yeah maybe. i definitely have some things to hyperventilate about.
filming for computing was awkward and funny.
at dinner another shortage.
if it keeps happening i'm going to the doctor.

shit, why am i complaining.
nevermind.
yeah, i need to do xizi and study tingxie.
i need to do it. but i cant. what the hell is my problem.
obviously its my fault, but i got no frikin courage to solve it.
damn.
what if i have lung problems. i'm scared.

everybody knows, we know the ship's going down.

i'm determined. as soon as i know what to say, i'm gonna do it.
i'm not gonna hold back. i'm gonna talk. i need courage, and if i want it, i have to do something.
break out of my comfort zone.
or else this will never end. i need to talk.
but somehow, i cant. DAMMIT WHY AM I SO HOPELESS.

yesterday went to carl's jr hahaa.
i just got teeth pulled out so i still tasted blood, and was uncomfortable eating that portobellomushroomburger! [lol couldnt resist] i wanted to eat.
so i ate fish&chips, which actually defeats the purpose of going there. =.=
but my sister wasted no time in grabbing the free refills. she had at least 3.
and mixed coke with f&n.
my dad made this weird "OMGTOOFIZZY" face everytime he drank it lol.
then aft that went to roam around sony style. [tampines1]
i grabbed the ps2 and started randoming with the ghost busters game. -.- lol hopeless.
then went to have free time roaming abt tampines1 while my dad scoured the mall for transformers1 which my sister wanted so bad. [the cd turned out to be faulty, so we watched it on my laptop in a high-class movie theater = my room.]

in the end i went to cache cache and bought some shirt.
lollll. laming abt. and we were confined to bakerzin there. so... whynot haha.
i was trying to convince my mom to buy us another hamster.
i miss hammy and ranger. [yeah i know weird names dont hold it against me i was 5. they stuck with me ever since anyway. like it was meant to be. =.=]
my sister and i were young and foolish and so when the hamsters mated and gave birth, we chose to give away the adults. and left the babies defenseless and doomed to dieee.
hamster-abuse.
I NEED TO GET A LIFE, GET A REAL PET. [omg why am i quoting cass/mrzein.]

SOOO... uh yeah. i heard nobody [the wondergirls song] in cache cache and my sister started dancing and singing randomly wth.
yeah. that song very funny loll. the dance is damn gay. and i found this stupid vid of a weird policeman [MALE] doing that dance. totally O.o
yanting nonono you cannot learn the dance okay you're not gay and i will not let you become gay. xD

D: school tmr.
1055 confirmed cases in SG so far, the numbers expected to rise.
Can't they uh... cancel something?
Thirdlang?
School?
MAKE SCHOOL HALFDAY YEAH THATS IT.
shit why am i so friggin high now.
okay i need to go bang my head on the wall so i'm less high.
or else i cannot focus.
dammit i might get some heartattack soon. =.=

You can never say never, why we don't know when, time and time again, younger now than we were before.

today was damn bloody too.
somehow, the second bunch of extractions were bloodier than the first. fell asleep again to numb the pain and when i woke up, the towel that i put to my mouth to stop the gauze from leaking was almost 100% full of blood.
then next week must spend 1 1/2 hours at the dentist wth.
now still bleeding.
then somemore there's an irritating metal ring on the left bottom molar. and it keeps scratching my mouth.
luckily the dentist gave me wax or else i dieee.

i was very tired the whole day.
no energy to do anything. i keep tasting blood and feeling pain.
the only interesting this was that i went to watch the mtv movie awards yet again. [point: i have no life. :D]
and watch the first half of hp sorceror's stone.
i miss hp omg.
i'm gonna watch no.6 when it comes out. i cannot miss this out lol
i've got every single book and movie out [except philosophers stone book cos i lost it. and deathly hallows.]
<3 hp yay.

friday stayed back. tricked seniors into birthday thing by saying it was sp lol.
the cake was yummy haha.
and i chionged the card on thursday.
but somehow i spent 1hour chionging.
and my message was so short. =.=
butstill. time, effort and LOVE. [lol kidding.]
weiting and i spent some time hobo-ing around after school.
we wandered between library and bandroom.
then told to wait outside library.
sighhh. somehow i had a disturbing dream of walking to the library and finding all the seniors there and everyone started dancing randomly wtf.
that was last night. i dont remember the rest of my dream.

i sleepwalked again last night, for the first time in 4/5 years.
[o.o i think i sleepwalked during that dream when walking to the library. dont tell me my mom woke up and found me dancing. =.=]
i know cos i woke up on the sofa and my mom left me there.
my parents never carried me cos i'm outrageously too heavy for them, and i didnt wake up.
dammit. something serious must have happened if i'm sleepwalking again.

i'm gonna go slack.
or lie down. i still taste blood.
maybe i'm a vampire or something. somehow blood tastes okay. =.= [extremely lame.]

the walls are closing in, don't let them get inside your head

i officially have a new goal.
I'M GONNA LEARN CANON ROCK. jerryC is damn pro. and the mattrach version is quite cool too. [he's supposed to be 15 o.o wth i got one year to catch up xD]
and i wanna play like that.
so i'm gonna psycho myself to try and learn all those crazy-mad licks.
huzzah.

-.- did more self-inflicting damage today cos i was bored.
[i'm seriously gonna need counseling soon. but it was so... uh. comfortable? =.=]
stuck my hand next to the air vent thing on the tablet and waited until it burnt or something.
i was very preoccupied with my hand.
zls told me "you weren't looking at the screen, so please pay attention, i'm not going to give you any notes."
i was paying attention, just not looking.
and summarizing in chinese is damn hard for me.
i cant make all those words into a short chengyu or something.
so screwed.
and then during english jianchong and i were fooling around, and mschan came to ask if jianchong had "found a new girlfriend" =.=
sighhhhhhhhh.
then she said "stop distracting each other".
we were just having a little fun o.o but yeah it was wrong i guess.
but she had to announce it to the whole class.

sigh. the first week of school sucked.
i wanna stay home for the rest of the year.
its much easier and less stressful there.
[and i can run around in my underwear! =.=]
obviously kidding.
but school really sucked.
so i need recreation time.
monday'll do it. saturday and sunday are for healing after the first set of braces are put in.
i'm damn scared it will hurt.
i'll endure. since pain seems so comfortable nowadays. i guess i can handle.
or maybe i'll start enjoying it wtf.

i need to go do some work. and studying.
cant waste the weekend away after all.
post again later. =.=


canon rock - jerryc


canon rock - mattrach

all so pro. -.-

sigh.
short post.
they just started giving out lv&tt on muttons.
at least i got the whole album lol. i can listen to all the nicenice songs.
and computing today was weird.
kept having to do awkward scenes with jp. and a stupid long speech.
sigh. thats part of being the lead i guess.
i dont even know why i'm the lead. i cant act at all. i think i screwed everything sigh.

i've been feeling weird these few days.
something like: pain is the only escape.
somehow, pain feels like euphoria to me. its like, something that makes me feel better.
its like a drug or something.
i bathe in scorching hot water for a long time and dont care.
i'll bang my head on the wall until i have headache.
i scratch myself with pencil and wait until it bleeds. if it doesn't, i use a bookmark. (not the one chingying gave me, thats precious.)
i play my guitar so violently my hands and fingernails start hurting.
i think i've gone mad.
but somehow, it feels right.
help?

i need a way out. something that doesnt involve any self-mutilation.
hopefully my problem is solved soon. or else i'll need an intervention or counseling. it cant go on like this.
i'm doing whatever it takes.
i need to get out of this despo state.
its pathetic.

somehow i'm to blame, for this never-ending racetrack you call life.

stayed back today for LA roleplaying ass.
went to KLP and ate KFC and walked around like a bunch of hobos.
And went to coldstorage to look at pork.
And went to look for icecream at mrbean which was closed, to chityee's utter disappointment.
felicia, chityee and zhimin.
i'm supposed to be celery and tubal. -.-
and felicia (man) is supposed to wear a yellow maid's outfit which ireallywannasee.
and rongying's gonna poledance.
how interesting can this get.
(at least its not porn. ahem. chityee.)

i think i've gone insane.
yeah, there are times when i'm pissed off at everybody.
and there are times where i look out the window for no reason.
i'm not suicidal though.
i run screaming from every knife or sharp thing i see.
its tomorrow, shit.
what do i do.
to make up for it.
all of it.

HASTHISEVERHAPPENEDTOYOU?! - I have no ball!
Look no further! Thanks to the big green inflatable bouncy ball, you'll never want to say you dont have a big green inflatable bouncy ball again. xD



i just knew zhengjun might love something like this.

and a rant on music which makes perfect sense. O.o



and moviesinminutes for saw 12!


haha enjoy.
quicknofail cheeruppers.
that makes no sense.
but anyway.
i'm gonna go poop my pants now. xD

Perhaps just one more, for luck?

#120.
I WANT THE DEATHLY HALLOWS. [AND I LOVE SNAPE.]
They're so cool haha.
The Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone and the Cloak of Invisibility. And Severus Snape.
I shall steal them from HarryPotter.
[haha look i'm sinking back in the HPFandom.]

Today was normal.
I finished the Deathly Hallows Book today.
I kept lingering at the part where Harry died. [:P spoilerrrr]
And then I'll shake the book in Cass's face and go: HARRY POTTER'S ABOUT TO DIE!
And then she'll stare at me like I'm some kind of idiot.

At least my day was well spent thinking of Harry Potter and all those poor people who died in the Battle of Hogwarts and Dobby cos he died too.
Fred shouldn't have died. O.o
And neither should've Lupin and Tonks when they've just produced a baby together. [that sounds weird. produced a baby. -.-]
And Chinese. I was thinking about Chinese.
Somehow.

Sighh. I don't know how to post photos.
Other than upload it on some social networking website and get the code.
But where on earth do I find a social networking website [=.= Facebook.]
Then everyone'll be able to see it.
NAHHHH.

I don't know what to post anymore.
And I don't have photos.
Come on blogger. I need your fcking formatting bar back.
So I can paste photos of my beautiful life.
[that's irrational.]

Heck.
I'm going to dance around pretending I have an Invisibility Cloak now.
[Obviously I'm joking. I'm going to mourn Fred and George's Ear and Mad-Eye Moody and Dumbledore and Sirius Black and Harry Potter's parents and Dobby and Lupin and Tonks and uh. Voldemort. And Snape.]
That's a lot of people to mourn. -.-
SIGH. J.K. ROWLING, WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL?
I'm gonna write another book and raise them back to life. xD
I'm going insane. Is there such thing as a HARRYPOTTERHIGH?
I'm going through one right now.
Haha.

There was a clatter as the Basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione's arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

'Is this the moment?' Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice. 'OI! There's a war going on here!'
MYGOSH I LOVE THIS SCENE.

omg. =.=
blogger is still so screwed.
i think i'm typing in html wth.
At least the box is long enough. Then I can see how long a sentence I'm typing.

the 7day long MC ends tomorrow, oh joy.
This means I get to go back to school and pretend to sulk while I act like some cowardly idiot again!
YAYYYYYY.

Sigh. I think this is what the school holidays are SUPPOSED to feel like.
I'm so poor and deprived.
Belinda delivered my homework the other day. (Bet you can just hear the hyperactive excitement)
It wasn't THAT bad, considering I only had 2 Math things and 2 Geog Things and the Crap MOV Reflection to do.
Oh fck, I forgot the YueDuBuTie. DAMN. I hate my life. As it is now. -.-
Damnit, I don't wanna go back just for Jap tomorrow.
Can I skip another day?
For my health, and my sanity, you know.

My sister's and mom's birthday was this weekend.

We waited till midnight on the 24th/25th and had some delicious cake.
The fish and co cheesecake was awesome.
I ate like 1 of 2 pieces. -.-
We gave mom our gifts and got till 1am or 2am cos the cake made us too hyper.
The next day we just sorta stayed home.
And then we waited till midnight again for Trysh's birthday.
I'm really jealous. D:
She got a pair of awesome black Zildjian Hickory Drumsticks that the professionals use, and a pair of black highcut Chuck Taylors.
WHYYYYY. This is all cos she went to mail around her wishlist. -.-
At least that day when we went to Tampines Mall my dad finally bought me the Deathly Hallows.

Oh damn. I don't have photos xD
I think stealing the drumsticks are in order.

I think this proves the theory that Laura is better off at home, so why not suspend or expel her or something.
She's much happier that way.
Not stuck with subjects that melt her brain and problems that melt it even more.

I'm dreading Tuesday.
I really am.

(In the meantime, I'm drowning myself with funny vids from ShaneDawsonTV on YouTube while in a desperate attempt to stare down the homework pile! Wow, I have no life!)

Reach for something that's already gone
(Attempting to italicise when theres no fcking format bar. o.o)

-.- is this a new blogger thing. its abit frustrating yeah. sighh. stupid small preview box that i have to type in.
now i'm not sure whether what i type is enough and whether it will just appear in one awkward line.
trust my blogskin to be so long and yeah. awkward.
like ron. [thats not a very satisfactory link, but still, it works, doesnt it.]

stuck with an mc till next tuesday. cannot prac for indoor test, which happens to be next monday. D:
i'm gonna die come monday. or tuesday. whatever. -.-
i'm gonna march in there, proclaim that i didnt practice, get a scolding, fail, and be sent outside with nothing but a big fat zero.
omg. i am so darn screwed. i need to do all that i can. why didnt i lug the trombone home when i saw that stupid 38.4degree temp.

this weekend's gonna be jampacked with celebrations.
cos my sister's birthday on sunday, and my mom's birthday on saturday. (i didn't forget thiri's birthday too xP)
[as a treat, we're off to watch hbp. so late after the release, but thats usually how we did movies a long time ago, so i consider myself lucky. xD]

bah. gonna drown in the mountain of hw tmr.
which belinda happens to be delivering. my parents happened to ask me to ask her for a favour.
there's still that dilemma about the indoor test. i'm supposed to be practising more than the rest of my braces.
and now i'm practising less. i'm way behind. ohshit i'm so screwed.
i'm gonna search the internet for scales and memorise them. so that i can do something at home. =.=

and to add insult to um. whatever you call it, i am now officially hiding from the twins. =.=
everytime i go on dhs mail one of them spams me. omg.
then zheng guan adds me into his class convo and i'm left hopelessly out of place.
they're trying to kill me. i know it.
why me? am i that interesting. and then zhengjun spams me with some harrypotter quiz which he asks for exact details. dude, only someone who reads the book and memorises every small detail will know that.
like yeah. with a magnifying glass. -.-
come on.

sigh. i bet you're having the time of your lives without me, huh.
don't want me to come back, do you? what if i said i don't care about you.
i'm coming back, and there's nothing you can do about it. (:

i know at least a few ppl (who bug me and sms me and tagged me) who want me to come back.
stupid mc needs a complete 7 days. i'll just come back and infect you all and then you'll get to stay home. joking. its not even H1N1, dudes. heck.
thanks for the get well wishes people. (: my fever went considerably better than my sister's. so i'm good.

sigh. scales. homework. twins. mc. save me please. :/

years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain.

face it. i'm just a stupid ignorant immature hopeless idiot who screws up everything she tries. yeah i know the word try is not enough. it never is. fuck.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD :]

it seems like just yesterday that it was fathers day :]
you still rock, and iloveyou.

thank goodness trysha's okay. :]
thanks to all the ppl who were concerned abt her yesterday.
you guys helped me stay grounded and made sure i didnt panic myself into some heart attack.

watching hbp tomorrow.
kinda late.
cant wait :] lol bet its a good thing i'm currently harrypotter-crazed.
read wikipedia's film thing and realized that some cool scenes were cut o.o
but i bet it'll still rock. haha.
anticipating the double-movie deathly hallows yayyy

i fell asleep before midnight dang.
so i missed the cake.
but we ordered pizza hut for lunch so... :]

friday sp-ed with the seniors.
i realized that the braces sucken my tone. and they kinda suck. xD [is there such a word? o.o]
indoor test approaching too. i'm hopeless with memorizing scales unless its position rofl.
but there's that exhilaration from band again.
like yeah. that happy feeling.
i hope indoor test's not on monday.
because if i have to take it then, i'll be dead.

and some confirmation: that part abt the stone faced ignorance, the guy's not even from 2L, heck, he might not even be from the school. so...
hope its doesnt offend anyone. (:

ohfk. our rs is so screwed right now.
i hope the presentation goes well on monday.
one-hour-before-school chiong ahhh.

damn. playlist.com's got that stupid license restriction deal again.
i want my davidcook back.

going to numb my brain [and kill lots of brain cells] with meaningless facebooking and the random strumming of violent songs on my guitar [which will kill skin and nail cells i'm sure.]
that sounds so much fun!

can you help me find a way to carry on again.

help me please.
trysha, please be okay.
please come back from the hospital safe.

this week was a horrible week.
a fked up, horrible, insanely mad week.

first, i don't get a few things.
why the hell do i keep complaining. why the hell do i keep appearing emo to everyone else.
why the hell am i even being SAD, when i'm the one who's at fault.
why the fk do i have to keep silent.
i dont know what the hell to say.
i dont know what to do.
IS IT SO FCKING HARD TO JUST GO OVER AND SAY HI.
why do i have to make an issue abt everything.
its not even a valid excuse. "Oh, you know I was scared..." why do i spurt out so much needless crap.
pull yourself TOGETHER, and DO SOMETHING.
i cant just sit there and expect magic to happen.

and then YOU come along.
when my week is going bad enough will all that stupid-ass internal argument.
talking about that thing you adore so much.
i'm sick of those disapproving looks everytime you see me.
sick of all those under-your-breath muttering i hear when i'm nearby.
all those grimacing, stone-faced ignorance.
i don't care what you think about me.
just stop making it so obvious that you hate me.
i'm perfectly fine with internal hating.
but all this outward stuff is too hard to handle.
honestly, i liked it better when you were making fun of me.

damn, i hope trysha's okay.
i dont want anything to happen to her right before my dad's birthday.
please. be okay.

nothing's gonna change the things that i said, nothing's gonna make it right again
please don't turn your back i can't believe it's hard just to talk to you, you won't understand.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELVIN!
lol i left out the a on purpose dudes.

uh. today was okay i guess.
pe was uber tiring. ran 1.6 all over again.
captains ball which was veryvery rough. felicia fell on her butt and sortof skidded. O.o hope she's okay :] then i can contract her chest somemore.
the rest of the day almost died.
then we discovered our jap teacher quarantined or smth.
but anyways, we got sent to J2.15 for class.
lol its very nice there. the mood is much more friendly and much more interactive and interesting.
and bright. stupid 2nd floor classroom la. make me want to sleep every single time.
so for the first time, jap was actually interesting.
when i left i was actually like: "ITS OVER?!"

lol watched dragonball:evolution justnow on dvd.
quite cool.
trysh was like whispering in my ear the whole time: "youknow the guy's very shuai!"
i know his name's justin chatwin. =.=
yeah it was freaky.
he turned into some kindof demon and some green guy with no hair was there too.
quite funny also i think.

my parents watching streetfighter.
but i cannot, cos i need to sleep.
tomorrow's gonna be another horrible day, so why not smile about it?
=.= okay yeah thats not gonna happen.
yuppppp. i'm so dead.

very sian today overall.
and i failed mensuration. =.= no calculator wth.
2. so i'm currently spamming my assessment book with practice.
i think i'm starting to get it.
the diff between volume and surface area.
sigh.
does it get better?

i'm checking into rehab because everything we had didn't mean a thing to you.

ohmygosh. ohmygosh.
-.- why are my mum and dad suddenly deciding to get facebook.
and my dad had to post a vid of me playing the guitar.

recently hooked back on harry potter yeah.
i need a distraction because i cant keep staying depressed and suicidal.
before i cut myself a nice little harry potter scar on my forehead.
stayed back at the library today with melvin cass zhimin jianchong patty iris jingpei.
i was damn late and i think i pissed melvin off. :\
i couldnt eat so fast and the porridge semeed frikin never ending.
sigh.
our rs quite screwed.
i screwed the ppt with some unnecessary photo sighh.

i realized i cannot eat anything NICE until thursday. D:
shit.
i'll have to endure.

lol zheng guan went to add me in his class chat lol.
so weird.
freaked me out.
short post again. :]

now i'm so broken that i can't get up.

went for classbonding session at kallang leisure park today.
before that some ppl played netball so cass, venus, thiri and i stayed in the canteen.
then at 12 started walking to kallang leisure park.
the journey was as fun as the lunch.
we went to the 158 bus-stop, and found ryfelchitty running after us.
cass was all: "OH LOOK WE FOUND A DOG!"
ryfelchitty were trying to read lalalulufafafufubird. -.-
"lala lulu fafa fufu... wait is that an f anot? it looks like a k leh. i know! you're a kukubird! see, rongying must be the kuku and jianchong must be the bird!"
-.- then at the road rongying made us all scream at an approaching car wth.
then halfway through, ryfelchitty were taking song requests. -.-
lol. we walked for like half an hour, then finally reached kallang leisure park.

had a short debate abt where to eat, then we decided on kfc.
lol. again haha. went ytd before sp too.
then we randomed alot. weiqiang and rongying and peishan and cass and patty and sxinyi and melvin were all at my table. the other included fel, chitty, venus, jianchong, vivian i think.
yeah cass's mashed potato mix of doom. =.=
talked abt transformers 2 with melvin.
had fun showing peishan cass and rongying how transformers mate. like i heard on muttons.
i think it went something like.

me: i know how transformers have babies!
cass and rongying: HOWHOW!
me: they put thumbdrive into usb port, in and out, in and out!
cass and rongying: -laugh like mad-
weiqiang: WAIT!
me: huh.
weiqiang: must safely remove hardware first mah!

-.- lol.
then yeah. lol. the others decided to watch a movie, but cass, vivian, rongying, sxinyi, venus and weiqiang decided to go home, so i went too.
lol caught the art exhibit on the way back. randomed and took rongying saying:
chenshijiehua kongquemaquehujihua kongquemaquehujiahua kongquemaquehujihua I LOVE JULIAAAA. I LOVE JULIAAAAA.

[edit] O.o wth can post vids one ah.

behold the retardation in low quality! -.- [/edit]

=.=
lol rongying so random.
then we took group photo and went home.
i randomed with vivian and sxinyi.
today fairly cheered me up.
and i realized that surviving without social attention has left me hopeless and back to the old ways of sticking to people. sighhh. its cos i'm too chicken to fix anything.
damn. i should just shut up with the stupid ranting. and not bother anyone else with my problem. its damn despo and probably fcking irritating to them. so yeah.
-.-
and i'm really excited for braces tmr.
i wanna get mine in orange.
photos! :D

when all your dreams are shattered, everything is beautiful.

dammit why did i have to be hesitant.
everytime i try to do it, i freaking choke up.
i cant drag this on any longer.
what the hell, i need help.
why in the world do i have this stupidass problem.

tuesday sucked big time.
LA was okay i guess. changed to single row.
honestly, whats the diff.
PE sucked like crap. i ran 5 rounds, and started feeling short of breath and lightheaded.
damnit am i that out of shape?
then during frisbee i almost fainted/threw up.
so i sat down for the last bit.
cass sat next to me, yeah it was comforting, but the thing didnt get any better dang.
in class also felt like crap.
fel, ry and chitty confronted me abt stuff.
fel was stupid as always. "YOUR CHEST CONTRACTING MAH!!!"
ry and chitty didnt help.
but i didnt feel like actually whacking them. actually i slapped rongying, but yeah. she's rongying.
the rest of the day was a blur actually. just sit down there, trying to breathe properly.
then after a while it went away.
jap sucked too.
i almost fell asleep, then we doodled aimless stuff on rongying's textbook and my notebook.
"cookie haus of doom" =.=
i gone mad liao.

wednesday [today] kinda sucked too.
the day started with that same irritating feeling in my chest.
my mom thinks i'm not used to exercise le.
lsp was memorable. global warming is scary, and it will get scarier so must do something.
eh. during math i had another breath shortage damn.
sat there breathing deeply then when i stood up i almost fell over.
my dad suggested i'm hyperventilating. yeah maybe. i definitely have some things to hyperventilate about.
filming for computing was awkward and funny.
at dinner another shortage.
if it keeps happening i'm going to the doctor.

shit, why am i complaining.
nevermind.
yeah, i need to do xizi and study tingxie.
i need to do it. but i cant. what the hell is my problem.
obviously its my fault, but i got no frikin courage to solve it.
damn.
what if i have lung problems. i'm scared.

everybody knows, we know the ship's going down.

i'm determined. as soon as i know what to say, i'm gonna do it.
i'm not gonna hold back. i'm gonna talk. i need courage, and if i want it, i have to do something.
break out of my comfort zone.
or else this will never end. i need to talk.
but somehow, i cant. DAMMIT WHY AM I SO HOPELESS.

yesterday went to carl's jr hahaa.
i just got teeth pulled out so i still tasted blood, and was uncomfortable eating that portobellomushroomburger! [lol couldnt resist] i wanted to eat.
so i ate fish&chips, which actually defeats the purpose of going there. =.=
but my sister wasted no time in grabbing the free refills. she had at least 3.
and mixed coke with f&n.
my dad made this weird "OMGTOOFIZZY" face everytime he drank it lol.
then aft that went to roam around sony style. [tampines1]
i grabbed the ps2 and started randoming with the ghost busters game. -.- lol hopeless.
then went to have free time roaming abt tampines1 while my dad scoured the mall for transformers1 which my sister wanted so bad. [the cd turned out to be faulty, so we watched it on my laptop in a high-class movie theater = my room.]

in the end i went to cache cache and bought some shirt.
lollll. laming abt. and we were confined to bakerzin there. so... whynot haha.
i was trying to convince my mom to buy us another hamster.
i miss hammy and ranger. [yeah i know weird names dont hold it against me i was 5. they stuck with me ever since anyway. like it was meant to be. =.=]
my sister and i were young and foolish and so when the hamsters mated and gave birth, we chose to give away the adults. and left the babies defenseless and doomed to dieee.
hamster-abuse.
I NEED TO GET A LIFE, GET A REAL PET. [omg why am i quoting cass/mrzein.]

SOOO... uh yeah. i heard nobody [the wondergirls song] in cache cache and my sister started dancing and singing randomly wth.
yeah. that song very funny loll. the dance is damn gay. and i found this stupid vid of a weird policeman [MALE] doing that dance. totally O.o
yanting nonono you cannot learn the dance okay you're not gay and i will not let you become gay. xD

D: school tmr.
1055 confirmed cases in SG so far, the numbers expected to rise.
Can't they uh... cancel something?
Thirdlang?
School?
MAKE SCHOOL HALFDAY YEAH THATS IT.
shit why am i so friggin high now.
okay i need to go bang my head on the wall so i'm less high.
or else i cannot focus.
dammit i might get some heartattack soon. =.=

You can never say never, why we don't know when, time and time again, younger now than we were before.

today was damn bloody too.
somehow, the second bunch of extractions were bloodier than the first. fell asleep again to numb the pain and when i woke up, the towel that i put to my mouth to stop the gauze from leaking was almost 100% full of blood.
then next week must spend 1 1/2 hours at the dentist wth.
now still bleeding.
then somemore there's an irritating metal ring on the left bottom molar. and it keeps scratching my mouth.
luckily the dentist gave me wax or else i dieee.

i was very tired the whole day.
no energy to do anything. i keep tasting blood and feeling pain.
the only interesting this was that i went to watch the mtv movie awards yet again. [point: i have no life. :D]
and watch the first half of hp sorceror's stone.
i miss hp omg.
i'm gonna watch no.6 when it comes out. i cannot miss this out lol
i've got every single book and movie out [except philosophers stone book cos i lost it. and deathly hallows.]
<3 hp yay.

friday stayed back. tricked seniors into birthday thing by saying it was sp lol.
the cake was yummy haha.
and i chionged the card on thursday.
but somehow i spent 1hour chionging.
and my message was so short. =.=
butstill. time, effort and LOVE. [lol kidding.]
weiting and i spent some time hobo-ing around after school.
we wandered between library and bandroom.
then told to wait outside library.
sighhh. somehow i had a disturbing dream of walking to the library and finding all the seniors there and everyone started dancing randomly wtf.
that was last night. i dont remember the rest of my dream.

i sleepwalked again last night, for the first time in 4/5 years.
[o.o i think i sleepwalked during that dream when walking to the library. dont tell me my mom woke up and found me dancing. =.=]
i know cos i woke up on the sofa and my mom left me there.
my parents never carried me cos i'm outrageously too heavy for them, and i didnt wake up.
dammit. something serious must have happened if i'm sleepwalking again.

i'm gonna go slack.
or lie down. i still taste blood.
maybe i'm a vampire or something. somehow blood tastes okay. =.= [extremely lame.]

the walls are closing in, don't let them get inside your head

i officially have a new goal.
I'M GONNA LEARN CANON ROCK. jerryC is damn pro. and the mattrach version is quite cool too. [he's supposed to be 15 o.o wth i got one year to catch up xD]
and i wanna play like that.
so i'm gonna psycho myself to try and learn all those crazy-mad licks.
huzzah.

-.- did more self-inflicting damage today cos i was bored.
[i'm seriously gonna need counseling soon. but it was so... uh. comfortable? =.=]
stuck my hand next to the air vent thing on the tablet and waited until it burnt or something.
i was very preoccupied with my hand.
zls told me "you weren't looking at the screen, so please pay attention, i'm not going to give you any notes."
i was paying attention, just not looking.
and summarizing in chinese is damn hard for me.
i cant make all those words into a short chengyu or something.
so screwed.
and then during english jianchong and i were fooling around, and mschan came to ask if jianchong had "found a new girlfriend" =.=
sighhhhhhhhh.
then she said "stop distracting each other".
we were just having a little fun o.o but yeah it was wrong i guess.
but she had to announce it to the whole class.

sigh. the first week of school sucked.
i wanna stay home for the rest of the year.
its much easier and less stressful there.
[and i can run around in my underwear! =.=]
obviously kidding.
but school really sucked.
so i need recreation time.
monday'll do it. saturday and sunday are for healing after the first set of braces are put in.
i'm damn scared it will hurt.
i'll endure. since pain seems so comfortable nowadays. i guess i can handle.
or maybe i'll start enjoying it wtf.

i need to go do some work. and studying.
cant waste the weekend away after all.
post again later. =.=


canon rock - jerryc


canon rock - mattrach

all so pro. -.-

sigh.
short post.
they just started giving out lv&tt on muttons.
at least i got the whole album lol. i can listen to all the nicenice songs.
and computing today was weird.
kept having to do awkward scenes with jp. and a stupid long speech.
sigh. thats part of being the lead i guess.
i dont even know why i'm the lead. i cant act at all. i think i screwed everything sigh.

i've been feeling weird these few days.
something like: pain is the only escape.
somehow, pain feels like euphoria to me. its like, something that makes me feel better.
its like a drug or something.
i bathe in scorching hot water for a long time and dont care.
i'll bang my head on the wall until i have headache.
i scratch myself with pencil and wait until it bleeds. if it doesn't, i use a bookmark. (not the one chingying gave me, thats precious.)
i play my guitar so violently my hands and fingernails start hurting.
i think i've gone mad.
but somehow, it feels right.
help?

i need a way out. something that doesnt involve any self-mutilation.
hopefully my problem is solved soon. or else i'll need an intervention or counseling. it cant go on like this.
i'm doing whatever it takes.
i need to get out of this despo state.
its pathetic.

somehow i'm to blame, for this never-ending racetrack you call life.