cut hair today xD
its layered now. -.-
and quite thin compared to before.
i looked down and the hairdresser showed me this huge pile of hair.
its short now. and thin. -.-
but somehow, my mom told me my hair looks like paul twohill's. o.o wth.
will post up photo when i find my sd card adapter.
somehow, i dont know IF i should post it. sigh just wait till tmr then see. =.= (and laugh?)

anyway. watched transformers revenge of the fallen today with my family.
my dad practically begged us to watch with him.
the movie was quite okay.
we booked late, so we got seats 3 rows from the front.
it was big-screen so...
gv tampines movie theaters are very comfy anyway. and they're just 15min away from my house.
the movie was okay. yeah i said that lol.
the action was kinda overwhelming. lots of exploding robots and crap.
and megan fox looked very hot.
thats what my sister and mom kept telling me at the hair salon (o.o)
there were bits of comedy too. (how many times can you get tazered in the nuts before you can't have kids?)
sick lol. and the robots were quite okay.
yeah an interesting movie. i cant fall asleep cos too many explosions. and i guess thats good?
lol no spoilers too baddd.
i got a shock when i heard 21guns during the movie. i thought only linkin park and new divide were in it (they were in it every time the autobots showed up =.= and it was a trumpet version)
weirdly enough, 21guns showed up when megan fox was bent over a motorbike.
and when she re-entered her garage. -.-
sigh. its abit inappropriate, but i get to listen to it during the credits.

my sister is now on a hunt to find transformer logos on cars.
(which i told her i saw before)

SIGHHHHH SCHOOL TOMORROW.
at least we dont have to hand in any hw tmr. i think.
only geog and GAP. and assembly. and rs. then i got till 4 o clock. (to do computing xD)
at 4, i'll have to assemble to prepare for ayg fanfare.
and everyone would have left. D:
i'm abit excited that school's tomorrow. and abit scared.
i'll have to handle i guess.
i'll get to see LYSTRA<3 anyway. for the first time in a month -.-
okay linmin invaded my house on thursday and hijacked all my PMs and STATUSES saying i love her. then she took over my xbox and started playing sexy (scantily dressed) characters on DOA ultimate. and she stole my mom's kiwi juice!
lol my mom isnt too happy about that.
and belinda came over yesterday to use my basketball pump and give me chocolate jap cookies.
my shirt was still bloody. thankfully she didnt see anything.

at least i got no hw to worry about. my xybj looks nice, but i think the content is crap.
and i did all my LA hw. and i'm prepared for the plot quiz.
chinese i finished yueduka. so i should be alright.
math... yeah i finished that assignment before hols i just remembered.
science rs... belinda said nothing about that though i have a feeling we may be doomed :D
ACC is good. :]
yeah. nothing to worry about.

these bright lights have always blinded me.

-.- left side of my mouth feels damn empty now.
and i'm pretty sure i still taste blood.
got two teeth yanked out in preparation for putting in braces.
i bled on my shirt wth. i kinda fell asleep and the blood leaked onto my shirt. -.- its my new white I.P. zone shirt somemore. A quarter of the sleeve is now brownish red. D:
the gauze needed to be changed like 3 times, and i had to take panadol painkillers.
the injection was the only painful part. the inner top one hurt quite alot.
but i can handle it. =.=
if i cant handle it, i'll die while they're putting the braces.
got rubber bands on my upper teeth now. i dont really feel them.
i think i need another panadol -.-
stupid. i have to eat with my head tilted. its very annoying.

i'm getting the full braces next week i think.
its gonna hurt like hell.

sigh.
school in two days. are they gonna extend? it doesnt seem likely.
i have no idea how to survive the first day sigh.
the first day is like, a whole school day. i think.
from 8am wth.
and i'm there until like 7plus.
i die. =.=
and then we have to STUDY on the freaking first day. i'll be stuck in holiday mood that day.
but still. i get to play fanfare.
so thats good i guess.
:D

sigh. i'm gonna go lie down. stupid injection thing make me feel so weird.
crap still havent taken that panadol.
next week's gonna be the same sigh.
going to watch revenge of the fallen tmr. will book when the gv website stops loading [which it hsa been doing for the past 20min.]
and hopefully cut my hair.
my parents have been delaying that for weeks sigh.
i feel empty.
I NEED MUSIC AND CHOCOLATE.
thank goodness my mom just went out and bought m&ms.
i need to get high or else i'll collapse.

I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
[i dont know why i suddenly started listening to Famous Last Words. =.= MCR is good anyways. it scares my sister, so. xD]

R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON AND FARRAH FAWCETT [i was so shocked when they announced two deaths this morning o.o]
yeah lol i dont really know them that well but condolences should be paid. :D
michael jackson is quite famous anyway. died of a cardiac arrest at 50yearsold!

yeah. i failed at photo taking cos the kids were too fast and also i was afraid they might eat my phone.
today was kinda fun. i played with the kiddies in the morning.
some man was there giving occupational therapy [or whatever that is] and he's very rude yeah. he's like a visitor, and he's like talking like he's the boss wth.
"Can you please close the doors? Kthx." -.-
when i offered him a pencil he completely ignored me.
[used to that anyway.] but i dont even know the dude.
sigh nvm that. i just sat in the room copying a girl and boy large scale on a big piece of paper and colouring it in with crayons. I dont know if I was thinking of them, but the girl and boy i drew looked like my cousins.
i finished the girl before lunch.
then we ate pizza for lunch. cos celebrating my aunt's belated bday.
then the afternoon kids stayed behind.
then i did the cartoon boy [to deco the wall. o.o]
and i photocopied a bunch of lecture programs [that my aunt was gonna use tmr] and stapled them.
stayed back late in the afternoon [to the dismary of my mom] and helped with another littlekid.
and ate my aunt's chococake. :D
LOL I EXPECT PAYMENT.

i've been catching up on naruto shippuuden lately since its gone forgotten.
anime seems to be comforting lately. it reminds me of happy times.
i'm gonna go off and find some interesting stuff to do.
like learn more songs. -.-
sigh. or study. =.=
i wonder if i'm quarantined cos my daddy went to vietnam.
[i dont know what to say to this; i'm in mixed feelings about fanfare. it leans more toward excited anyway.]

when people run in circles its a very very mad world.

just got back from "work" haha.
getting paid later. my mom's gonna bring home our moneh.
so cool lol i got a job for the last week. :]
actually i dont need one but its good to have extra cash.

today was very fun.
its just sad we had to go home early.
helped out all the autistic kids. they're all very cute lol.
we helped make materials for the activites [haha i had to draw huge hands and paint some girl that was totally out of shape], and helped my aunt with language class. :]
they were learning rough and smooth lol so cute.
like, we ask them learn the names and tell them its smooth or rough.
then they copy colours. they're quite cute.
yeah. we have to be patient, cos their learning speed is slower. But its fun to watch them learn.
HAHA I HAD A CRAVING TO COLOUR MY OWN THINGY.
lol. we're going back again tmr MAYBE.
and then on friday. sigh. its a good thing i finished my hw. =.=


lol the truth about korean dramas. and all types of asian dramas.



transformers: revenge of the household objects [ please know that this is not censored. parental advisory for language LOL LAMEEEE]



random vids. i'll take pics at work tmr.
the kids srsly damn cute.
sigh post more later.

please don't leave me alone.

my new handphone pouch-cum-wallet.

DAVIDCOOK'S LONGAWAITED ALBUM! :D

the jobros :]

their songs quite nice. quite a few. before the storm, black keys, turn right, don't speak, fly with me, paranoid. actually their whole album kinda rocks.
i dont need to mention david cook lol.

went for fanfare rehearsal today.
met weiting in the mrt at tampines.
saw her weird new hairstyle. [which isaac wasted no time in badmouthing. =.=]
bought cupcakes. which were wasted.
and a cake. which weiting ate in the end.
arrived quite early. weiting spent like 5min in the toilet.
rehearsed fanfare a bit. was in 2nd trombone with sophin.
quite okay. i just have to blast and get the triplets right.
and the notes and the cue to come in. =.=
then we went outside and played. quite cool.
then we had a break until 4. a very long break. where we had some talks and stuff.
then we went to a briefing. and were told that the rehearsal extend 2hours.
sigh. i had to ask to talk to teacher-in-charge so that she can talk to my dad.
mr ng asked me abt it so i talked to him abt my family situation.
then we waited somemore.
rehearsed fanfare tgt with the other items twice, ate macs. [fries] then the ayg comm came in their blue bus with us playing the fanfare.
after fanfare and liondance we were released. convinced weiting to eat the cake we bought jingjie. xD
took photos for xiaoyuanbiji. the room damn dark so hard to see anything.
then went home alone on 158.

sigh. going to volunteer at my aunts school on wed and fri.
getting paid yay.
tues thurs and weekends = study & sort out hw.
sat = extractions. D: [maybe hair cut i dunno]
i'm kinda in mixed feeling about extending the sch hols.
sigh.

i'll go listen to lines, vines and trying times again. :]

Standing out in the rain, knowing that's it really over, please don't leave me alone
I'm flooded with all this pain, knowing that I'll never hold you, like I did before the storm

daddy <3:
even though you can be abit overprotective at times, [i'll never forget those times you call after band, and the times you never let me go out with my friends], you're still my awesome, funny, great crazy dad. :] happy fathers' day.

^ that was in case he comes here and reads my blog. xD lol kidding.
i <3 my daddy though.
he just bought me a handphone pouch today even though its fathers' day.
[its those standard myuk "thinking (please be patient)" handphone pouches lol. it was the one that best suited me along with the one that says: stress reduction, bang head here. i use the one sarah gave me as the case to keep my smaller valuables so i cant bring that around o.o]
and he agreed to buy me lines, vines and trying times tmr.
he almost bought me a uniqlo shirt rofl.
it was so ex.
fathersday was awesome. :]
went strolling all around tampines1, but we made a stop at his favourite restaurant (fish n co) and ate some extremely delicious cheesecake ><

just received an sms [or just turned on my phone to see an sms] about the cancellation of rehearsal tmr.
but i still have to come. o.o
i think its about the fanfare.
-.- makes no diff anyway. i just have to leave at 1230 instead of being there at 1230 to meet weiting at tampines. -.-

sigh. will mugmugmug in that short time before band.
i still havent finished mov sigh. will go chiong read.

short post while doing math.
fathers day tomorrow is gonna coincide with my 100th post o.o
thats kinda significant.
i'm abit sad for my mom now. -.-
that was very lame.

fullband on monday from 1230 to 4.
i kinda miss band come to think of it.
i still owe my my y4 seniors their gift. which weiting asked me to kept and so it melted -.-
and i think its jingjie's birthday on monday. xD trust facebook to alert you of stuff like that.
i'll come up with something with the rest. i doubt they know.
though facebook may
i think we're playing fanfare for ayg. i'm scared. am i even included. o.o

might be going to see ghosts of girlfriends past or land of the lost with cass sometimes next week.
hopefully my parents are in agreement. sigh.
they told me they'd make up for class outing.
i hope they let me go bugis.
cos thats as far east cass can go -.-

=.= i'll go do mathcerealproj somemore. i need to work hard on this cos i dont want to be labeled a slacker again.
if only i can find something else to add dammit.
i'll go research.

peter pan and wendy turned out fine

some lame ad i saw in daiso. the ad says "LAME GLOVES - charming, glittering, lame!"
lol some weird ad campaign i guess.
BOOYA. [lolpeishan]
what happens when my sister is bored and we have no access to any comp whatsoever.


two more to go to my first ever hundred xD
crap i just remembered jap.
i shall go do jap today. and finish MoV and finish up that school journal thing and edit the math thing alot somemore.
then i'll be done with holiday hw. yay.
i can't believe i'm gonna finish soon lol.
yay.

Holiday HW: [as taken from class blog]

LA
[x] LA essay
[x] nat geog
[x] compre and summary
[/] read MOV and prepare for plot quiz [onehalf of an act mannnn.]

MATH
[x] math assignment
[] math project on mensuration(volume)

CHINESE
[x] yue du ka
[/] xiao yuan bi ji

SCIENCE
[] SIP project report [no word about this yet from the others. =.=]

ACC
[] project on china places to advertise [OHCRAPTHAT. need2contactchingyingasap]

JAP/THIRDLANG
[] compo
[] map and directions to fave place [7eleven lol my house not interesting one.]

kay it turns out i have quite a lot to do today.
jiayou lol.
i'm quite okay with MoV actually. the names are damn cool.
got antonio, bassanio, portia, nerissa, shylock, solerio, solanio, gartiano and lorenzo.
xD i wish my name was more exotic.
[spot the irony haha]

i need to chiong finish all my hw so i can have the weekend to relax and plan happyfathersday for daddy.
hopefully he'll be happy the rest of the year and let me roam around sg doing crap random stuff
cos i have never once tried to do that.

lol xray on wednesday was weird lor.
i had this weird paranoid sensation that cass would pop up and ask me for her bday gift.
dont ask.
its called guilty feeling.
the xray was damn freaky.
walk inside this room without specs earstuds or necklaces [i wasnt wearing any]
then stand near some weird machines and stay still.
the doctor left me inside for a while. i think he was pressing a button outside to take the xray.
but still.
the xray itself was scary.
i looked like i got beak. D:
i dont know if thats my teeth or my lips lor.
but i looked like a freaky bird. yeah thats quite appropriate -.-
then aft that went orchard and ate breakfast at macs. then watched my mom get her eyebrows done.
then bought some bargain clothes. -.- my mom and aunt love that store lor.
my sister and i were playing truth or dare outside.
we went up and down quite a few escalators.
and my sister wanted to see all the above21 shops. =.=
i didnt know she was so sick. and she's ten forgoodnesssake.
sigh.
i wasted quite a lot of time on this post. -.- actually about 10 min.
so i must chiong hw now.

JIAYOU ONLY A FEW HW LEFT!

***
I FINISHED MY HW YAY SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.
all i need now is to settle group proj and studying.
i never imagined this to happen ever.
this has never happened before. seriously.
yayyyy.
cheer for me, people. go on. -.-

o.o i didnt know the jobros had a new album.

lines, vines and trying times.
i'll go give it a try haha. its been months since i obsessed over the jobros.
they seem to drop albums very fast. =.=
and just last year i was anticipating their second one.
and taping their posters all over my wall.
which i haven't taken down yet cos i dont have any new ones and they serve as "childhood" memory.
i'll keep one lol and search the magazines for new ones.
cos i dont like my walls being bare.
it freaks me out.
i guess i dont like the feeling of emptyness.
i cant do anything in silence.
i cant do anything when the walls are completely bare.
i cant do anything with a uber boring life.
thats why i need music, posters, and friends. [and chocolate, you can never forget chocolate. =.=]
i realize i'm adding paranoid to my playlist way too late.
i'm kinda slow too.
thats the truth o.o

it's like a vine you can't untangle.

fuckit

Can't i have at least one small part of my life left for me to control.
please.

i owe cass an apology.
with a birthday gift this late, i'm gonna have to buy another worthy gift.

i have freedom too.

screwed. completely and utterly screwed.

just came back from my aunt's house.
i discovered that my cousin suddenly grew super chubby and cute lol.
three months old can wear shirt for a baby six months old o.o

i need to finish MoV soon.
i have a feeling its hopelessly boring sigh.
i read the first page at the start of the year as a teaser and i couldn't understand a single word.
oh well. no choice.
and my chinese book is almost done. okay actually its halfway. i left it alone for a week oh no.
went to go make a reading log yay. so that i can chart the vocab i learned.
hopefully this helps lol.
fullspeed ahead next week. no distractions.

dentist appointment today o.o
the guy explained all about braces.
he was like:
"we need to extract four of your teeth so that the front teeth can be pushed back" omg.
painpainpain.
and the gap of my front teeth and my lower jaw is about 8mm wow.
he called it bugs bunny teeth lol. bugs bunny was ironically my favorite looney tunes char.
he went to go take a mould of my teeth. it was this bluish paste thing in a metal mould.
abit weird. the metal was disturbing, and the paste tasted like sht. my tongue would occasionally get in the way.
lol he interviewed me abt dunman high. said the HoD for GEP is his friend.
[o.o still got GEP there?!]
then he took photos of me and my teeth. o.o
for examination i think.
he says i have to wear for 2 1/2 years D:
but he says i can still play the trombone. i just have to get used to the pain.
if he said no i think i would have killed myself on the spot. o.o
i cant change instru so late and i've grown to love the trombone :]
going to take x-ray on thurs at amk.
ohno i'm veh scared abt the pain now.

i miss talking to cass dammit. D:
serves me right for using a comp without msn =.=
just finished her very extremely late birthday card.
gah cass come online please. i need to talk to you i'm damn bored.

give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean.

posting.
1) felt super guilty i couldn't come to sch today to help with math. D: I'M SORRY GUYS!
2) sarah and cass played a very wonderful prank on me today. -.- it went something like:

-after Melvin's miscall-
Me: Hi I'm so sorry I didn't pick up. My dad brought us to lunch at kfc i'll be home in abt 10 min sry for the delay...
"Melvin": I really love you. And, I'm really glad you could have enjoyed a meal at kfc. I miss you, wish you were here.
Me: -.- hi cass.
"Melvin": Cass is in the toilet. I'm Melvin.
Me: O.O ARE YA SERIOUS. No its not. Prove it lol. What did Belinda ask you to do for rs. Haha. :D
"Melvin": I'm supposed to send her the results... And Uhm what. I think to find some releated research. Yeah.
Me: O.o wow then did you REALLY send that i love you thing. -.-
"Melvin": Yes and i mean every word of it=)
Me: O.O OMG REALLY. Hi?
"Melvin": =( i really mean it. Trust me...
Me: Okay. I'm abit shocked now.
"Melvin": I... I can't answer this now. I don't know how to facec you. Anyway, no phones allowed in the library. Sorry. I guess I really shocked you. Can we try?(:

i applaud cass and sarah for their creativity and the copying of melvin's equal sign smiley face. -.-
after that they had this dhs mail convo about cass being cute [this made it obvious], going out [...], meeting up alone before class outing [LOL], and asking if i can meet him alone next week for math.
i suggested following me to the toilet to talk [playing along must be convincing right xD], then the thing that gave it away: OMG LAURA THAT WAS SO KINKY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF SAYING THAT!
that's obviously sarah lol. or cass. it sounds like them.
sigh.
they're creative, and have no life. xD haha.
it was so flattering to see the chaos they were in without me lol.
with cass's "PLEASE COME TOMORROW WE NEED YOU, WE'RE SUPER DESPO" last night. =.= she told me melvin was doing that. cass lol, you need to watch what you say when you're pranking someone. xD
it was kinda fun. the reactions were interesting. like: "why dont you trust me?):" somehow they were hilariously funny.

went to singapore river this morning. o.o
some side trip on the way to my dad lol
my cousin gets to go on the gmax unfair D:
we went on some hippo river cruise. -.-
fun. everyone was camwhoring. so i joined them. cos nothing else to do.
one of my aunt's friends explained lomography [very interesting lol] and kept taking random photos.
went to seveneleven after that and spammed and apple-coke slurpee and mashed potato at the same time. the aftertaste extremely freaky.

lol going dentist appointment tomorrow. rescheduled haha.
i scared they pull off all my teeth.
that same friend of my aunt told me it was "as painful as hell" and i got damn scared.
but its worth it.
my mom went to go tell me its 10K last night. seriously, i'd rather be ugly =.=
that was lame and despo.
nvm lol.
i still owe pics right.
haha i wait for my aunt to send me first then i post. tmr got family meeting before my cousin goes off.
so sad D;
my baby cousin [XY-lophone! :D] is coming. he suddenly grew so much last time lol. it was his like 3 month bday yesterday. haha.
o.o i'm gonna watch mtv movie awards lol i got nothing to do.
its interesting. apparently twilight won best female performance [kristen stewart], best kiss [O.O], best fight [HAHAHA LOL], best breakthrough male [rob pattinson] and they had their new moon trailer premiere. =.= i'm starting to think it might be rigged. o.o
i shall go watch yay. :D

***

o.o i'm not posting a separate post.
haa. i'm gonna focus on chiong-studying next week.
i need to prac my awesome electric i-cant-believe-i-actually-learned-em solos!
my mom just made us spam chips with dip and cheesecake.
i am full and now cannot sleep. :D
i'm so high lol.
chips + cheesecake = crazy.
i'm improving my math see. =.=

D: with american idol and heroes gone there's no tv show that can entertain me now! unless i spam reruns of the amazing race and the biggest loser! =.=
heck. i can survive without tv.

CLASSOUTING MONDAY YAY. 15JUNE. ECP. meet at taonan? xD YAY.
wear black shirt.
don't know why i'm posting details.
i've gone insane again. :]
i want more cheesecake lol. its so sweet and nice.
fish and co got nice cake yaknow. :D
i'm starting to think i got cass the wrong type of hoodie.
D: i got a ceramicduck too sowhattheheck.
its a bday present, NINEDAYSLATE.
i bought the duck at daiso haha.
2bucks. the card too. i was gonna buy one of those freaky open-up-got-sound cards, but i afraid cass will have heartattack.
so i bought a smaller one. xD
i'll go do something calming so i can actually sleep tonight haha.
music saves your soul. :]

this city feels low against the gleam and the glow of his diligence, to your elegance.
[o.o david cook is cheem haha]

this week was kindof distracting.
i don't think i'm that emo NOW, compared to last week [which was superduper stupid.].
this is why i love david cook's songs.
cos its so meaningful.
and in every song there's something that applies to my life.

when i'm emo i listen to bar-ba-sol, avalanche and lie.
when i'm grateful i listen to heroes, and a daily anthem.
when i'm reflective i listen to i did it for you, permanent, life on the moon, come back to me.
when i'm happy i listen to mr. sensitive. [don't ask why i also dunno lol]

told you people i improved on song linking.

sigh. went to plazasing ytd. spammed stuff at daiso.
went to parkway + popular today. saw taonan again.
a lot of memories flooded my brain.
yeah. i miss taonan.
sigh.
i'll go research math for cass.
and send the rs.
math done, LA done, articles almost done.
yay.

but you're still standing.

lol that sounds like a song name. -.-
i'll keep that in mind. xD

went to sentosa today.
super fun and o.o lor.
started out the day at the merlion.
i think we camwhored a lot. my cousin actually allows herself to be taken photo of now at least.
watched a cartoon on sang nila utama.
then redeemed a fan at the counter after putting some weird coin in some weird lion's mouth.

then went to images of singapore next.
had a damn long walk.
my feet hurt like mad. saw like examples of houses of the people last time
and the war zone was quite funny la.
my cousin said the guy holding the gun was retarded.
post photos another time haha.
got a shock near the end when there was a real person in the fake kampong.
cos so far got only wax ppl.
and the toilet at the immigrant quarters was damn freaky.
suddenly saw a guy standing there facing the door. facing the wrong way haha.

went to eat lunch after that.
the hot dog was white omg.
but before lunch i took photo with a big white and yellow snake just like when i was a kid.
but with trysh and my cousin. the snake kept moving toward me.
cos i was wearing yellow. -.-
ate mushroom soup and hot dog for lunch.
quite nice. was freaked out by the hot dog colour, thats all.

fort siloso was damn tiring.
took the tram, and heard of the three different zones.
[i know how its like now lol i got spoiler for hist field trip. -.-]
we explored, and i played around on the swing-around thing [my cousin almost made me fly. o.o], and the rickety bridge.
we kept randomly marching to the random marching music. -.-
the tunnels were quite creepy cos we were like the only ppl there.
i'd feel better if its crowded lol.
some dark places i didnt dare go in.
the wax ppl got creepy after a while.
the surrender chambers was quite okay. just that one guy in the corner looks so startingly real that i kept thinking he'd move and we'd all die of shock.
lol weird. -.-
fort siloso is educational and tiring at the same time.
btw, siloso = jealous person in filipino. :D but its not siloso, its seloso. haha typo?

last was 4D magix. -.-
i wanted the luge, but my sister scared.
so we went for pirates. quite cool.
i was freaked out by the feeling of scorpions below the chair but i discovered it was a moving string/whip.
the close-up bees and bats were so cool lol.
and the skeleton.
haha.
the glasses were quite pain on the head.

after 4D magix went to songs from the sea.
the show thing.
had a long wait where we lamed about, and went to the toilet, and observed a weird cloud in the sky.
watched it grow and separate and grow again.
the ppl werent speaking at all. -.-
dubbed.
the fire bit was very fun. like, the fire was so rhythmic and i was amazed the houses didnt burn down. -.-
the fire was quite hot too. the water show also quite nice.
but the climax and the ending is too cheesy.
i expected a "we did it!" song [from dora -.-] at the end. and turned out the song at the end sounded a LOT like a "we did it" song.

going home tmr haha.
coming back to aunts house wednesday.
might go to wild wild wet too lol.
yay.
meeting cass and the rest on friday.
doing math.
this week will not be so productive.
quan kao next week. :D i cant believe i just used chinese.
i deserve applause man.
joking. -.-
sentosa got me quite high.
but i'm not high anymore. =.=

i'll crawl into my bed staring at these four walls again.

should take a break from all the emoing and trying not to cut myself or jump off a building.
[haha very funny.]
but i should lighten up and be happy, so i can think.

still tingling about rhythm.
i felt good about it, but i felt abit sad for the year4 seniors who were stepping down.
felt so excited from that wait outside the concert hall all the way to the finale piece, carmen.
i didnt want it to end actually. playing carmen and saga has become so fun i dont want it to stop.
stand by me was fun too, even though i didnt know what i was doing.
and i was scolded afterward for not standing up. :P
but i'll look really stupid when i stand up cos everyone can see me frantically faking.
my mom said they could see the look on my face when they announced the song from all the way where they were sitting. kind of like an exaggerated :O and O.O combined.
lol hilarious la.
cass afterward was damn funny too, running around outside shouting: "WHERE'S MY MOM?!" and running toward the bus stop like some frantic duck thing. -.-
i actually saw them get into their car and drive in the opposite direction.
so the sitution with cass was doubly funny.
i was like: "CASS. YOUR MOM IS OVER THERE." then she looked and was like, "nah." and ran off. -.- this just shows that you should listen to me kay. xD
i dont want rhythm to be over. i cant wait to do another concert again. so exhilarating.
i dont have my own camera and my phone camera sucks so i dont have photos damn. D:
i should have taken weiting's screwed collar. :]

[edit]
i wanna thank a lot of ppl too:
jingjie, for the cute lollipop thing. [its still intact cos it looks really cute and i dont dare touch it. i accidentally brought it to my aunt's house.]
sophin, for the postcard and the cereal choco thingys. [which are very yummy. i liked the postcard and the soccer guys which were very random. xD]
wenlin, for the card. [which i found very funny. i laughed at the hand for so long. -.-]
rumeng, for the card and chocolate. [that was the first thing i ate cos i cant resist chocolate.]
kengheng, for letting me eat some of your chocolate. :D [i almost stole all of the smarties, but i resisted it cos i thought it would be too greedy.]
zoe, for the cookies [which are ultra tasy. xD] and the card.
some trombone senior [benjamin? i dont know which] for the cute little orange with the face on it. [its very cute and i dont think i'm ever gonna eat it.]
patrick, chityee, sarah, mom, dad, trysh, my cousin, my aunts, and my grandma, for coming to see rhythm xxiii. [if chityee really fell asleep i'm jumping off a building right now.]
weiting and yanting should be thanked too, for experiencing the whole ride with me. [i loved weiting's screwed collar so bad cos i had something to laugh at]
and cass, for laughing at my pimple the whole time. -.- [you were a good punching bag. -.-]
also to all who helped me along the way. the teachers, mr ng, my wonderful seniors, and the friends who supported me. :D [i wouldnt get anywhere without you. :]]
MUST BE THANKFUL RIGHT.
[/edit]

i'm at my aunt's house now, and will be for the next two days.
going to sentosa tomorrow. i'll have a crapload of photos to post up by wednesday i'm sure.

i'm trying to zi-high with chocolates.
actually my favorite kind of chocolates. cos chocolates never fail to make me feel better.
and its working lol.
i'm playing random games too.
i guess these two days will be quite slack.
i'll catch up. i have my motivation. so i'll go for it.

yay.
okay kinda cheered up for now.
FOR NOW. TEMPORARILY.
this just means i need an unlimited supply of chocolates.
hand them over.
now.
-.-
sigh.

Nobody cares cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me.

D: bah i cant sleep. its 3:06AM.
all my dad's fault. give us freedom until 4am cos of the concert.
i was quite happy about it. i mean the concert.
i think i did okay. but i screwed up a few notes.
at least i didnt drop my mute and at least i didnt whack any chairs.
stand by me was totally unexpected.
so i anyhow play. we didnt have the score so i faked.
it sounded quite like it, but i still screwed it, so...
i hope people liked the concert.
i tried my best, so i'm happy with it.
maybe i improved from this experience. :]

went to macs after at 11PM AT NIGHT. xD lol i didnt even know such a thing was possible.
ate alot of stuff but still hungry now.

i just didnt like my freaking blazer which is so huge and frustrating.
i was pissed with my blazer for about 10 minutes. -.-
see what kind of lame person i am.
i was completely preoccuped during those minutes before the performance itself.
seeing that person at the concert today made it a whole lot worse.
its weird wanting something you cant have.

i need to sleep.
but i cant. because i'm still thinking about it.
i'm so screwed.
dammit.
stupid week. made me feel so super emo. -.-
and confused.
i'm too paranoid these few days. i jump to some weird conclusions. after reading through all the posts i realize i'm never thinking.
wtf is wrong with my stupid brain.
i never freaking think. i pissed off some people cos i was being too emo and too self-absorbed.
cannot undo the damage.
i shouldnt have opened my big whiny mouth.
i'm damn angry with myself now.

[edit]
and if you're reading this, sarah, [i've read your recent post] i'm really sorry and i know you might not forgive me now but you should know i wasnt talking about you when i said i felt no sense of belonging because it was another group of people i was talking about and i cant believe i forgot to mention you because to tell the truth you're a big part of my life too. [i'm not just saying this to win your approval, or to be overly cheesy.]
you should also know that i feel really stupid about it and you probably knew that already cos you read the top half to get here.
so i cant undo whats done now and i really hope not to start another wreckingball fight again, so i'm sorry. you should know that i am grateful to you too for even forgiving me at that time because after looking back i didnt deserve that second chance you gave me and i might as well have blown it now.
i wasnt thinking when i made that conclusion because i was all jumpy about my grades. i should have asked you up front and i shouldnt have gone behind your back. i shouldnt even have made that conclusion.
i guess i never learn my lesson, just like my dad says.
i know i dont deserve to do what i did and i hope you understand.
because these past few days i've been really stupid.
yeah, i did enjoy performing today, but i really want to make this right again, because with the little friends i have i cant afford losing you again.
this is the second post i've ever posted asking for your forgiveness and hopefully i remember all that i'm supposed to and i dont have to do something like this again.
i'm really sorry. [i say this a hundred times it seems, i know. i just dont seem wired to learn from mistakes. its some stupid flaw i cant fix.]
yeah i sound very despo i know, but i cant name any other good friends that i have [cos i'm really antisocial and hopeless with friendships] besides you and cass so i really value your friendship.
i'll explain everything to you when i get the chance because i cant guarantee who reads my blog now.
[/edit]

i'll try and sleep now.
and hopefully i can think straight tomorrow so i wont mess anything else up.
need to show my cousin around singapore next week. i'll bring my homework when i sleepover at my aunt's place.

maybe in time you'll change your mind, now looking back i wish i could rewind.

i feel slightly less emo today.
but still emo. cos nothing to take my mind off how screwed up i am.
i bet nobody cares anyway. dont even know why the hell i mentioned it.
my dad bought new strings today. all gold and nylon. they were so hard to install. needed to use pliers to tune the stupid thing. my right thumb almost died.

rhythm xxiii tomorrow.
i'm extremely scared that i will hit the person-in-front-of-me's chair with my slide again.
when it happened yesterday i was in complete shock.
and i'm scared that i will mispitch the high and loud notes. and everyone will hear me and i will die on the spot.
and i'm scared that i'll go out of tune. especially the soft parts.
and i'm super scared of that part in saga where we're supposed to "drop" the mute as soon as we play. the floor is wooden, so everyone will hear it.
tried to simulate that mute action thing. it didnt work. -.-
i also must try to memorize a bit of the song so that i can watch the conductor and not be engrossed in the score.
you can probably say i'm nervous now.
i'll just try harder.

only like, three people from our class are going. and one of them wants to deliberately sabo dhssb.
wth. like: i'll fall asleep halfway and you refund me my ten dollars.
one of them doesnt appreciate music too.
so...
ah heck i dont care about our class people for now.
at least a lot of my family is going. :]

i finished my math today. took like 2 hours or something cos i was half distracted. -.-
i hate my blazer man. makes my shoulders looks super square while i'm super small.
i should grow fatter. yeah i know no girl ever says that.
my court shoes are weird. and i'm freaked out by the stockings.
i'll look extremely laughable tomorrow. and i bet right after the concert my cousin will be laughing at me for looking stupid.
and i bet i WILL hit someone with my slide.
nevermind. i still <3>
JIAYOU BAND. RHYTHM XXIII. WE CAN PULL IT OFF. :]

everything, it will surely change.

i felt super blur/emo today. -.- i dont know why.
certain people were annoying, and certain people dao-ed me as usual.
realized more than ever that i'll never fit in anywhere. thats the truth.
it will forever like i'm alien or something.
i dont know.
so many people dao me. i feel so ignored. and they're not supposed to dao me.
maybe i'm attention-seeking, yeah, but it doesnt feel good when people are seemingly DELIBERATELY ignoring you and you seem to be cut off from everyone else.
[what is my problem that i DESERVE TO BE IGNORED BY THESE PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE DAY. it's so confusing. can you please explain so i get an answer or at least feel less like a pile of useless shit.]
i guess this is why i was so dazed and hot-tempered this afternoon. i'm sorry, weiting. you didnt deserve my stupid outburst.
its so maddening and saddening at the same time.

band camp is over. as of today.
i hope i do good for the concert. i dont think i've practiced enough. i feel extremely slack.
i need to prove myself.
my parents already asked if i can reserve seats. -.-
i was off tune today. we went to go cancel our ensemble cos we're not prepared enough and we sound like crap.
i felt kindof wasted at first [that was when i got hot-tempered] but then i realized that if i did go up there i'd have a nervous breakdown and faint.
haha very funny.
polished my trombone today. mine is crap compared to the others. its all dotted and suckish with three tuning slides [?!] and no matter how much i polish it still looks mediocre.
i cant believe i just used the word.
mediocre.
i'm psycho yeah.
took photos today for band. i felt abit alone without cass in the group photo.
see how being left out feels. was saved by thiri in the second round of the group photos.
section photo was damn awkward. i felt awkward the whole time.
squad photo also awkward.
i'm not good with photos cos i'm no camwhore. -.-

my dad hasnt bought my D string, so i'm super bored.
i'm gonna go prac stuff on my mouthpiece. -.- so wuliao right.
can you see how screwed up my frikin life is. i've got NO life, and i've got NO sense of belonging anywhere except my family and with cass. [which is why i'm so thankful to her for GIVING me that sense of belonging. now i have everything else to worry about.]
can someone help fix me.
something's horribly wrong. its been wrong from the start and i cant fix it.
[guess that just the price i gotta pay] see i'm becoming better at quoting lyrics which mean something.
my life is so screwed.
i'm doomed.
there's no way i'll ever feel right for a long time. -.-

wondering when we're meeting up for math proj.
and rs.
and if anyone can fetch me home after class outing.
sigh. messed up. my dad is so...
made me rush off after band STRAIGHT. like: "YOU GO HOME IN TEN MINUTES OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO YOUR CONCERT YOU GET ME?"
wat is with all the threats.
i cant grow properly like this.
wth. this just reinforces the i'm doomed thing. walao.

does the pain weigh out the pride, and you look for a place to hide?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASS.

thanks for being such a great friend, and i hope your 14th year is as good as your 13th. i would have brought you a cake, but i wasnt there.
i'll give you your present either on saturday or during class outing or when we meet for math.


D: i just broke my D string while learning how to play 21guns. [it was sortof like: strum, strum, snap. -.- there's this scratch on my thumb now.] might be replacing tomorrow. my dads gonna buy a new string tmr.

didn't go for band today.
i felt so guilty the whole day. i didnt talk to my cousin. o.o
i was like thinking the whole time whether someone will get scolded cos of me.
i was also spending the day scared cass'll scold me for not re-buying her gift in time.
my aunt was like: "you know i only heard you say two words today."
was totally blur the whole day. my aunt caught me sitting alone in my uncle's spare room stoning. and the worst part was i didnt even know why i was stoning.
i think i either went mad, or i'm just sleep deprived. or just super blur by nature.

going for band tomorrow.
i dont wanna miss lunchtime concert and the 43rd anniversary. [the band is one year younger than my mom lol]
my baby cousin suddenly grew so much.
suddenly so fat and cute.
and i heard stories of my OTHER 2-year-old cousin choosing clothes that werent suitable.
why were'nt they suitable?
they were all pink.
i'm seriously concerned that he might turn out gay.

sigh. bought three new assessment books today. math and chinese. i'm gonna practice them everyday along with read some books and the news. -.-
and i hope i improve and get an A for my family to rejoice over and reward me.

when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul.

band camp today = super tired.
at first i was all eager to prac and stuff. but then i realized the lousy condition of my instru.
plus halfway thru fullband my front teeth starting hurting like mad
in the middle of "pain", i was seriously in pain. as in, at that time, the pain was that intense. maybe not intense, but... uh. overwhelming?
it didnt help that it was f-ing cold in there.
if its rly my trombone pressing on my teeth, and its so agonizingly painful, then i wont be able to handle braces.
okay, i wouldnt describe it as agonizing. -.-
but still quite pain. i have to do something.
how am i gonna handle 2/3 more days of this.
see if its pain again tmr first.

lunch was agonizing too. -.-
like seriously. look around so long also got nothing to eat.
even isaac said it sucked.
lost my appetite after eating. it left me hungrier than ever.
so i felt super uh... weak? halfway through that fullband session. with my teeth hurting everytime i try to blow something.
then my busted lip which i somehow tore last night while watching hp5 on vcd.
i need to prac more.
i shouldnt be this tired.
sigh.

la essay, natgeo, math ass, chinese book report left. i didnt really do anything much.
sigh. must chiong on friday. :D
i'm giving myself a strict deadline.
or else i'm committing suicide.
[yathink i'm serious? -.- stupid.]

when you're at the end of the road, and you've lost all sense of control.

cut hair today xD
its layered now. -.-
and quite thin compared to before.
i looked down and the hairdresser showed me this huge pile of hair.
its short now. and thin. -.-
but somehow, my mom told me my hair looks like paul twohill's. o.o wth.
will post up photo when i find my sd card adapter.
somehow, i dont know IF i should post it. sigh just wait till tmr then see. =.= (and laugh?)

anyway. watched transformers revenge of the fallen today with my family.
my dad practically begged us to watch with him.
the movie was quite okay.
we booked late, so we got seats 3 rows from the front.
it was big-screen so...
gv tampines movie theaters are very comfy anyway. and they're just 15min away from my house.
the movie was okay. yeah i said that lol.
the action was kinda overwhelming. lots of exploding robots and crap.
and megan fox looked very hot.
thats what my sister and mom kept telling me at the hair salon (o.o)
there were bits of comedy too. (how many times can you get tazered in the nuts before you can't have kids?)
sick lol. and the robots were quite okay.
yeah an interesting movie. i cant fall asleep cos too many explosions. and i guess thats good?
lol no spoilers too baddd.
i got a shock when i heard 21guns during the movie. i thought only linkin park and new divide were in it (they were in it every time the autobots showed up =.= and it was a trumpet version)
weirdly enough, 21guns showed up when megan fox was bent over a motorbike.
and when she re-entered her garage. -.-
sigh. its abit inappropriate, but i get to listen to it during the credits.

my sister is now on a hunt to find transformer logos on cars.
(which i told her i saw before)

SIGHHHHH SCHOOL TOMORROW.
at least we dont have to hand in any hw tmr. i think.
only geog and GAP. and assembly. and rs. then i got till 4 o clock. (to do computing xD)
at 4, i'll have to assemble to prepare for ayg fanfare.
and everyone would have left. D:
i'm abit excited that school's tomorrow. and abit scared.
i'll have to handle i guess.
i'll get to see LYSTRA<3 anyway. for the first time in a month -.-
okay linmin invaded my house on thursday and hijacked all my PMs and STATUSES saying i love her. then she took over my xbox and started playing sexy (scantily dressed) characters on DOA ultimate. and she stole my mom's kiwi juice!
lol my mom isnt too happy about that.
and belinda came over yesterday to use my basketball pump and give me chocolate jap cookies.
my shirt was still bloody. thankfully she didnt see anything.

at least i got no hw to worry about. my xybj looks nice, but i think the content is crap.
and i did all my LA hw. and i'm prepared for the plot quiz.
chinese i finished yueduka. so i should be alright.
math... yeah i finished that assignment before hols i just remembered.
science rs... belinda said nothing about that though i have a feeling we may be doomed :D
ACC is good. :]
yeah. nothing to worry about.

these bright lights have always blinded me.

-.- left side of my mouth feels damn empty now.
and i'm pretty sure i still taste blood.
got two teeth yanked out in preparation for putting in braces.
i bled on my shirt wth. i kinda fell asleep and the blood leaked onto my shirt. -.- its my new white I.P. zone shirt somemore. A quarter of the sleeve is now brownish red. D:
the gauze needed to be changed like 3 times, and i had to take panadol painkillers.
the injection was the only painful part. the inner top one hurt quite alot.
but i can handle it. =.=
if i cant handle it, i'll die while they're putting the braces.
got rubber bands on my upper teeth now. i dont really feel them.
i think i need another panadol -.-
stupid. i have to eat with my head tilted. its very annoying.

i'm getting the full braces next week i think.
its gonna hurt like hell.

sigh.
school in two days. are they gonna extend? it doesnt seem likely.
i have no idea how to survive the first day sigh.
the first day is like, a whole school day. i think.
from 8am wth.
and i'm there until like 7plus.
i die. =.=
and then we have to STUDY on the freaking first day. i'll be stuck in holiday mood that day.
but still. i get to play fanfare.
so thats good i guess.
:D

sigh. i'm gonna go lie down. stupid injection thing make me feel so weird.
crap still havent taken that panadol.
next week's gonna be the same sigh.
going to watch revenge of the fallen tmr. will book when the gv website stops loading [which it hsa been doing for the past 20min.]
and hopefully cut my hair.
my parents have been delaying that for weeks sigh.
i feel empty.
I NEED MUSIC AND CHOCOLATE.
thank goodness my mom just went out and bought m&ms.
i need to get high or else i'll collapse.

I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
[i dont know why i suddenly started listening to Famous Last Words. =.= MCR is good anyways. it scares my sister, so. xD]

R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON AND FARRAH FAWCETT [i was so shocked when they announced two deaths this morning o.o]
yeah lol i dont really know them that well but condolences should be paid. :D
michael jackson is quite famous anyway. died of a cardiac arrest at 50yearsold!

yeah. i failed at photo taking cos the kids were too fast and also i was afraid they might eat my phone.
today was kinda fun. i played with the kiddies in the morning.
some man was there giving occupational therapy [or whatever that is] and he's very rude yeah. he's like a visitor, and he's like talking like he's the boss wth.
"Can you please close the doors? Kthx." -.-
when i offered him a pencil he completely ignored me.
[used to that anyway.] but i dont even know the dude.
sigh nvm that. i just sat in the room copying a girl and boy large scale on a big piece of paper and colouring it in with crayons. I dont know if I was thinking of them, but the girl and boy i drew looked like my cousins.
i finished the girl before lunch.
then we ate pizza for lunch. cos celebrating my aunt's belated bday.
then the afternoon kids stayed behind.
then i did the cartoon boy [to deco the wall. o.o]
and i photocopied a bunch of lecture programs [that my aunt was gonna use tmr] and stapled them.
stayed back late in the afternoon [to the dismary of my mom] and helped with another littlekid.
and ate my aunt's chococake. :D
LOL I EXPECT PAYMENT.

i've been catching up on naruto shippuuden lately since its gone forgotten.
anime seems to be comforting lately. it reminds me of happy times.
i'm gonna go off and find some interesting stuff to do.
like learn more songs. -.-
sigh. or study. =.=
i wonder if i'm quarantined cos my daddy went to vietnam.
[i dont know what to say to this; i'm in mixed feelings about fanfare. it leans more toward excited anyway.]

when people run in circles its a very very mad world.

just got back from "work" haha.
getting paid later. my mom's gonna bring home our moneh.
so cool lol i got a job for the last week. :]
actually i dont need one but its good to have extra cash.

today was very fun.
its just sad we had to go home early.
helped out all the autistic kids. they're all very cute lol.
we helped make materials for the activites [haha i had to draw huge hands and paint some girl that was totally out of shape], and helped my aunt with language class. :]
they were learning rough and smooth lol so cute.
like, we ask them learn the names and tell them its smooth or rough.
then they copy colours. they're quite cute.
yeah. we have to be patient, cos their learning speed is slower. But its fun to watch them learn.
HAHA I HAD A CRAVING TO COLOUR MY OWN THINGY.
lol. we're going back again tmr MAYBE.
and then on friday. sigh. its a good thing i finished my hw. =.=


lol the truth about korean dramas. and all types of asian dramas.



transformers: revenge of the household objects [ please know that this is not censored. parental advisory for language LOL LAMEEEE]



random vids. i'll take pics at work tmr.
the kids srsly damn cute.
sigh post more later.

please don't leave me alone.

my new handphone pouch-cum-wallet.

DAVIDCOOK'S LONGAWAITED ALBUM! :D

the jobros :]

their songs quite nice. quite a few. before the storm, black keys, turn right, don't speak, fly with me, paranoid. actually their whole album kinda rocks.
i dont need to mention david cook lol.

went for fanfare rehearsal today.
met weiting in the mrt at tampines.
saw her weird new hairstyle. [which isaac wasted no time in badmouthing. =.=]
bought cupcakes. which were wasted.
and a cake. which weiting ate in the end.
arrived quite early. weiting spent like 5min in the toilet.
rehearsed fanfare a bit. was in 2nd trombone with sophin.
quite okay. i just have to blast and get the triplets right.
and the notes and the cue to come in. =.=
then we went outside and played. quite cool.
then we had a break until 4. a very long break. where we had some talks and stuff.
then we went to a briefing. and were told that the rehearsal extend 2hours.
sigh. i had to ask to talk to teacher-in-charge so that she can talk to my dad.
mr ng asked me abt it so i talked to him abt my family situation.
then we waited somemore.
rehearsed fanfare tgt with the other items twice, ate macs. [fries] then the ayg comm came in their blue bus with us playing the fanfare.
after fanfare and liondance we were released. convinced weiting to eat the cake we bought jingjie. xD
took photos for xiaoyuanbiji. the room damn dark so hard to see anything.
then went home alone on 158.

sigh. going to volunteer at my aunts school on wed and fri.
getting paid yay.
tues thurs and weekends = study & sort out hw.
sat = extractions. D: [maybe hair cut i dunno]
i'm kinda in mixed feeling about extending the sch hols.
sigh.

i'll go listen to lines, vines and trying times again. :]

Standing out in the rain, knowing that's it really over, please don't leave me alone
I'm flooded with all this pain, knowing that I'll never hold you, like I did before the storm

daddy <3:
even though you can be abit overprotective at times, [i'll never forget those times you call after band, and the times you never let me go out with my friends], you're still my awesome, funny, great crazy dad. :] happy fathers' day.

^ that was in case he comes here and reads my blog. xD lol kidding.
i <3 my daddy though.
he just bought me a handphone pouch today even though its fathers' day.
[its those standard myuk "thinking (please be patient)" handphone pouches lol. it was the one that best suited me along with the one that says: stress reduction, bang head here. i use the one sarah gave me as the case to keep my smaller valuables so i cant bring that around o.o]
and he agreed to buy me lines, vines and trying times tmr.
he almost bought me a uniqlo shirt rofl.
it was so ex.
fathersday was awesome. :]
went strolling all around tampines1, but we made a stop at his favourite restaurant (fish n co) and ate some extremely delicious cheesecake ><

just received an sms [or just turned on my phone to see an sms] about the cancellation of rehearsal tmr.
but i still have to come. o.o
i think its about the fanfare.
-.- makes no diff anyway. i just have to leave at 1230 instead of being there at 1230 to meet weiting at tampines. -.-

sigh. will mugmugmug in that short time before band.
i still havent finished mov sigh. will go chiong read.

short post while doing math.
fathers day tomorrow is gonna coincide with my 100th post o.o
thats kinda significant.
i'm abit sad for my mom now. -.-
that was very lame.

fullband on monday from 1230 to 4.
i kinda miss band come to think of it.
i still owe my my y4 seniors their gift. which weiting asked me to kept and so it melted -.-
and i think its jingjie's birthday on monday. xD trust facebook to alert you of stuff like that.
i'll come up with something with the rest. i doubt they know.
though facebook may
i think we're playing fanfare for ayg. i'm scared. am i even included. o.o

might be going to see ghosts of girlfriends past or land of the lost with cass sometimes next week.
hopefully my parents are in agreement. sigh.
they told me they'd make up for class outing.
i hope they let me go bugis.
cos thats as far east cass can go -.-

=.= i'll go do mathcerealproj somemore. i need to work hard on this cos i dont want to be labeled a slacker again.
if only i can find something else to add dammit.
i'll go research.

peter pan and wendy turned out fine

some lame ad i saw in daiso. the ad says "LAME GLOVES - charming, glittering, lame!"
lol some weird ad campaign i guess.
BOOYA. [lolpeishan]
what happens when my sister is bored and we have no access to any comp whatsoever.


two more to go to my first ever hundred xD
crap i just remembered jap.
i shall go do jap today. and finish MoV and finish up that school journal thing and edit the math thing alot somemore.
then i'll be done with holiday hw. yay.
i can't believe i'm gonna finish soon lol.
yay.

Holiday HW: [as taken from class blog]

LA
[x] LA essay
[x] nat geog
[x] compre and summary
[/] read MOV and prepare for plot quiz [onehalf of an act mannnn.]

MATH
[x] math assignment
[] math project on mensuration(volume)

CHINESE
[x] yue du ka
[/] xiao yuan bi ji

SCIENCE
[] SIP project report [no word about this yet from the others. =.=]

ACC
[] project on china places to advertise [OHCRAPTHAT. need2contactchingyingasap]

JAP/THIRDLANG
[] compo
[] map and directions to fave place [7eleven lol my house not interesting one.]

kay it turns out i have quite a lot to do today.
jiayou lol.
i'm quite okay with MoV actually. the names are damn cool.
got antonio, bassanio, portia, nerissa, shylock, solerio, solanio, gartiano and lorenzo.
xD i wish my name was more exotic.
[spot the irony haha]

i need to chiong finish all my hw so i can have the weekend to relax and plan happyfathersday for daddy.
hopefully he'll be happy the rest of the year and let me roam around sg doing crap random stuff
cos i have never once tried to do that.

lol xray on wednesday was weird lor.
i had this weird paranoid sensation that cass would pop up and ask me for her bday gift.
dont ask.
its called guilty feeling.
the xray was damn freaky.
walk inside this room without specs earstuds or necklaces [i wasnt wearing any]
then stand near some weird machines and stay still.
the doctor left me inside for a while. i think he was pressing a button outside to take the xray.
but still.
the xray itself was scary.
i looked like i got beak. D:
i dont know if thats my teeth or my lips lor.
but i looked like a freaky bird. yeah thats quite appropriate -.-
then aft that went orchard and ate breakfast at macs. then watched my mom get her eyebrows done.
then bought some bargain clothes. -.- my mom and aunt love that store lor.
my sister and i were playing truth or dare outside.
we went up and down quite a few escalators.
and my sister wanted to see all the above21 shops. =.=
i didnt know she was so sick. and she's ten forgoodnesssake.
sigh.
i wasted quite a lot of time on this post. -.- actually about 10 min.
so i must chiong hw now.

JIAYOU ONLY A FEW HW LEFT!

***
I FINISHED MY HW YAY SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.
all i need now is to settle group proj and studying.
i never imagined this to happen ever.
this has never happened before. seriously.
yayyyy.
cheer for me, people. go on. -.-

o.o i didnt know the jobros had a new album.

lines, vines and trying times.
i'll go give it a try haha. its been months since i obsessed over the jobros.
they seem to drop albums very fast. =.=
and just last year i was anticipating their second one.
and taping their posters all over my wall.
which i haven't taken down yet cos i dont have any new ones and they serve as "childhood" memory.
i'll keep one lol and search the magazines for new ones.
cos i dont like my walls being bare.
it freaks me out.
i guess i dont like the feeling of emptyness.
i cant do anything in silence.
i cant do anything when the walls are completely bare.
i cant do anything with a uber boring life.
thats why i need music, posters, and friends. [and chocolate, you can never forget chocolate. =.=]
i realize i'm adding paranoid to my playlist way too late.
i'm kinda slow too.
thats the truth o.o

it's like a vine you can't untangle.

fuckit

Can't i have at least one small part of my life left for me to control.
please.

i owe cass an apology.
with a birthday gift this late, i'm gonna have to buy another worthy gift.

i have freedom too.

screwed. completely and utterly screwed.

just came back from my aunt's house.
i discovered that my cousin suddenly grew super chubby and cute lol.
three months old can wear shirt for a baby six months old o.o

i need to finish MoV soon.
i have a feeling its hopelessly boring sigh.
i read the first page at the start of the year as a teaser and i couldn't understand a single word.
oh well. no choice.
and my chinese book is almost done. okay actually its halfway. i left it alone for a week oh no.
went to go make a reading log yay. so that i can chart the vocab i learned.
hopefully this helps lol.
fullspeed ahead next week. no distractions.

dentist appointment today o.o
the guy explained all about braces.
he was like:
"we need to extract four of your teeth so that the front teeth can be pushed back" omg.
painpainpain.
and the gap of my front teeth and my lower jaw is about 8mm wow.
he called it bugs bunny teeth lol. bugs bunny was ironically my favorite looney tunes char.
he went to go take a mould of my teeth. it was this bluish paste thing in a metal mould.
abit weird. the metal was disturbing, and the paste tasted like sht. my tongue would occasionally get in the way.
lol he interviewed me abt dunman high. said the HoD for GEP is his friend.
[o.o still got GEP there?!]
then he took photos of me and my teeth. o.o
for examination i think.
he says i have to wear for 2 1/2 years D:
but he says i can still play the trombone. i just have to get used to the pain.
if he said no i think i would have killed myself on the spot. o.o
i cant change instru so late and i've grown to love the trombone :]
going to take x-ray on thurs at amk.
ohno i'm veh scared abt the pain now.

i miss talking to cass dammit. D:
serves me right for using a comp without msn =.=
just finished her very extremely late birthday card.
gah cass come online please. i need to talk to you i'm damn bored.

give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean.

posting.
1) felt super guilty i couldn't come to sch today to help with math. D: I'M SORRY GUYS!
2) sarah and cass played a very wonderful prank on me today. -.- it went something like:

-after Melvin's miscall-
Me: Hi I'm so sorry I didn't pick up. My dad brought us to lunch at kfc i'll be home in abt 10 min sry for the delay...
"Melvin": I really love you. And, I'm really glad you could have enjoyed a meal at kfc. I miss you, wish you were here.
Me: -.- hi cass.
"Melvin": Cass is in the toilet. I'm Melvin.
Me: O.O ARE YA SERIOUS. No its not. Prove it lol. What did Belinda ask you to do for rs. Haha. :D
"Melvin": I'm supposed to send her the results... And Uhm what. I think to find some releated research. Yeah.
Me: O.o wow then did you REALLY send that i love you thing. -.-
"Melvin": Yes and i mean every word of it=)
Me: O.O OMG REALLY. Hi?
"Melvin": =( i really mean it. Trust me...
Me: Okay. I'm abit shocked now.
"Melvin": I... I can't answer this now. I don't know how to facec you. Anyway, no phones allowed in the library. Sorry. I guess I really shocked you. Can we try?(:

i applaud cass and sarah for their creativity and the copying of melvin's equal sign smiley face. -.-
after that they had this dhs mail convo about cass being cute [this made it obvious], going out [...], meeting up alone before class outing [LOL], and asking if i can meet him alone next week for math.
i suggested following me to the toilet to talk [playing along must be convincing right xD], then the thing that gave it away: OMG LAURA THAT WAS SO KINKY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF SAYING THAT!
that's obviously sarah lol. or cass. it sounds like them.
sigh.
they're creative, and have no life. xD haha.
it was so flattering to see the chaos they were in without me lol.
with cass's "PLEASE COME TOMORROW WE NEED YOU, WE'RE SUPER DESPO" last night. =.= she told me melvin was doing that. cass lol, you need to watch what you say when you're pranking someone. xD
it was kinda fun. the reactions were interesting. like: "why dont you trust me?):" somehow they were hilariously funny.

went to singapore river this morning. o.o
some side trip on the way to my dad lol
my cousin gets to go on the gmax unfair D:
we went on some hippo river cruise. -.-
fun. everyone was camwhoring. so i joined them. cos nothing else to do.
one of my aunt's friends explained lomography [very interesting lol] and kept taking random photos.
went to seveneleven after that and spammed and apple-coke slurpee and mashed potato at the same time. the aftertaste extremely freaky.

lol going dentist appointment tomorrow. rescheduled haha.
i scared they pull off all my teeth.
that same friend of my aunt told me it was "as painful as hell" and i got damn scared.
but its worth it.
my mom went to go tell me its 10K last night. seriously, i'd rather be ugly =.=
that was lame and despo.
nvm lol.
i still owe pics right.
haha i wait for my aunt to send me first then i post. tmr got family meeting before my cousin goes off.
so sad D;
my baby cousin [XY-lophone! :D] is coming. he suddenly grew so much last time lol. it was his like 3 month bday yesterday. haha.
o.o i'm gonna watch mtv movie awards lol i got nothing to do.
its interesting. apparently twilight won best female performance [kristen stewart], best kiss [O.O], best fight [HAHAHA LOL], best breakthrough male [rob pattinson] and they had their new moon trailer premiere. =.= i'm starting to think it might be rigged. o.o
i shall go watch yay. :D

***

o.o i'm not posting a separate post.
haa. i'm gonna focus on chiong-studying next week.
i need to prac my awesome electric i-cant-believe-i-actually-learned-em solos!
my mom just made us spam chips with dip and cheesecake.
i am full and now cannot sleep. :D
i'm so high lol.
chips + cheesecake = crazy.
i'm improving my math see. =.=

D: with american idol and heroes gone there's no tv show that can entertain me now! unless i spam reruns of the amazing race and the biggest loser! =.=
heck. i can survive without tv.

CLASSOUTING MONDAY YAY. 15JUNE. ECP. meet at taonan? xD YAY.
wear black shirt.
don't know why i'm posting details.
i've gone insane again. :]
i want more cheesecake lol. its so sweet and nice.
fish and co got nice cake yaknow. :D
i'm starting to think i got cass the wrong type of hoodie.
D: i got a ceramicduck too sowhattheheck.
its a bday present, NINEDAYSLATE.
i bought the duck at daiso haha.
2bucks. the card too. i was gonna buy one of those freaky open-up-got-sound cards, but i afraid cass will have heartattack.
so i bought a smaller one. xD
i'll go do something calming so i can actually sleep tonight haha.
music saves your soul. :]

this city feels low against the gleam and the glow of his diligence, to your elegance.
[o.o david cook is cheem haha]

this week was kindof distracting.
i don't think i'm that emo NOW, compared to last week [which was superduper stupid.].
this is why i love david cook's songs.
cos its so meaningful.
and in every song there's something that applies to my life.

when i'm emo i listen to bar-ba-sol, avalanche and lie.
when i'm grateful i listen to heroes, and a daily anthem.
when i'm reflective i listen to i did it for you, permanent, life on the moon, come back to me.
when i'm happy i listen to mr. sensitive. [don't ask why i also dunno lol]

told you people i improved on song linking.

sigh. went to plazasing ytd. spammed stuff at daiso.
went to parkway + popular today. saw taonan again.
a lot of memories flooded my brain.
yeah. i miss taonan.
sigh.
i'll go research math for cass.
and send the rs.
math done, LA done, articles almost done.
yay.

but you're still standing.

lol that sounds like a song name. -.-
i'll keep that in mind. xD

went to sentosa today.
super fun and o.o lor.
started out the day at the merlion.
i think we camwhored a lot. my cousin actually allows herself to be taken photo of now at least.
watched a cartoon on sang nila utama.
then redeemed a fan at the counter after putting some weird coin in some weird lion's mouth.

then went to images of singapore next.
had a damn long walk.
my feet hurt like mad. saw like examples of houses of the people last time
and the war zone was quite funny la.
my cousin said the guy holding the gun was retarded.
post photos another time haha.
got a shock near the end when there was a real person in the fake kampong.
cos so far got only wax ppl.
and the toilet at the immigrant quarters was damn freaky.
suddenly saw a guy standing there facing the door. facing the wrong way haha.

went to eat lunch after that.
the hot dog was white omg.
but before lunch i took photo with a big white and yellow snake just like when i was a kid.
but with trysh and my cousin. the snake kept moving toward me.
cos i was wearing yellow. -.-
ate mushroom soup and hot dog for lunch.
quite nice. was freaked out by the hot dog colour, thats all.

fort siloso was damn tiring.
took the tram, and heard of the three different zones.
[i know how its like now lol i got spoiler for hist field trip. -.-]
we explored, and i played around on the swing-around thing [my cousin almost made me fly. o.o], and the rickety bridge.
we kept randomly marching to the random marching music. -.-
the tunnels were quite creepy cos we were like the only ppl there.
i'd feel better if its crowded lol.
some dark places i didnt dare go in.
the wax ppl got creepy after a while.
the surrender chambers was quite okay. just that one guy in the corner looks so startingly real that i kept thinking he'd move and we'd all die of shock.
lol weird. -.-
fort siloso is educational and tiring at the same time.
btw, siloso = jealous person in filipino. :D but its not siloso, its seloso. haha typo?

last was 4D magix. -.-
i wanted the luge, but my sister scared.
so we went for pirates. quite cool.
i was freaked out by the feeling of scorpions below the chair but i discovered it was a moving string/whip.
the close-up bees and bats were so cool lol.
and the skeleton.
haha.
the glasses were quite pain on the head.

after 4D magix went to songs from the sea.
the show thing.
had a long wait where we lamed about, and went to the toilet, and observed a weird cloud in the sky.
watched it grow and separate and grow again.
the ppl werent speaking at all. -.-
dubbed.
the fire bit was very fun. like, the fire was so rhythmic and i was amazed the houses didnt burn down. -.-
the fire was quite hot too. the water show also quite nice.
but the climax and the ending is too cheesy.
i expected a "we did it!" song [from dora -.-] at the end. and turned out the song at the end sounded a LOT like a "we did it" song.

going home tmr haha.
coming back to aunts house wednesday.
might go to wild wild wet too lol.
yay.
meeting cass and the rest on friday.
doing math.
this week will not be so productive.
quan kao next week. :D i cant believe i just used chinese.
i deserve applause man.
joking. -.-
sentosa got me quite high.
but i'm not high anymore. =.=

i'll crawl into my bed staring at these four walls again.

should take a break from all the emoing and trying not to cut myself or jump off a building.
[haha very funny.]
but i should lighten up and be happy, so i can think.

still tingling about rhythm.
i felt good about it, but i felt abit sad for the year4 seniors who were stepping down.
felt so excited from that wait outside the concert hall all the way to the finale piece, carmen.
i didnt want it to end actually. playing carmen and saga has become so fun i dont want it to stop.
stand by me was fun too, even though i didnt know what i was doing.
and i was scolded afterward for not standing up. :P
but i'll look really stupid when i stand up cos everyone can see me frantically faking.
my mom said they could see the look on my face when they announced the song from all the way where they were sitting. kind of like an exaggerated :O and O.O combined.
lol hilarious la.
cass afterward was damn funny too, running around outside shouting: "WHERE'S MY MOM?!" and running toward the bus stop like some frantic duck thing. -.-
i actually saw them get into their car and drive in the opposite direction.
so the sitution with cass was doubly funny.
i was like: "CASS. YOUR MOM IS OVER THERE." then she looked and was like, "nah." and ran off. -.- this just shows that you should listen to me kay. xD
i dont want rhythm to be over. i cant wait to do another concert again. so exhilarating.
i dont have my own camera and my phone camera sucks so i dont have photos damn. D:
i should have taken weiting's screwed collar. :]

[edit]
i wanna thank a lot of ppl too:
jingjie, for the cute lollipop thing. [its still intact cos it looks really cute and i dont dare touch it. i accidentally brought it to my aunt's house.]
sophin, for the postcard and the cereal choco thingys. [which are very yummy. i liked the postcard and the soccer guys which were very random. xD]
wenlin, for the card. [which i found very funny. i laughed at the hand for so long. -.-]
rumeng, for the card and chocolate. [that was the first thing i ate cos i cant resist chocolate.]
kengheng, for letting me eat some of your chocolate. :D [i almost stole all of the smarties, but i resisted it cos i thought it would be too greedy.]
zoe, for the cookies [which are ultra tasy. xD] and the card.
some trombone senior [benjamin? i dont know which] for the cute little orange with the face on it. [its very cute and i dont think i'm ever gonna eat it.]
patrick, chityee, sarah, mom, dad, trysh, my cousin, my aunts, and my grandma, for coming to see rhythm xxiii. [if chityee really fell asleep i'm jumping off a building right now.]
weiting and yanting should be thanked too, for experiencing the whole ride with me. [i loved weiting's screwed collar so bad cos i had something to laugh at]
and cass, for laughing at my pimple the whole time. -.- [you were a good punching bag. -.-]
also to all who helped me along the way. the teachers, mr ng, my wonderful seniors, and the friends who supported me. :D [i wouldnt get anywhere without you. :]]
MUST BE THANKFUL RIGHT.
[/edit]

i'm at my aunt's house now, and will be for the next two days.
going to sentosa tomorrow. i'll have a crapload of photos to post up by wednesday i'm sure.

i'm trying to zi-high with chocolates.
actually my favorite kind of chocolates. cos chocolates never fail to make me feel better.
and its working lol.
i'm playing random games too.
i guess these two days will be quite slack.
i'll catch up. i have my motivation. so i'll go for it.

yay.
okay kinda cheered up for now.
FOR NOW. TEMPORARILY.
this just means i need an unlimited supply of chocolates.
hand them over.
now.
-.-
sigh.

Nobody cares cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me.

D: bah i cant sleep. its 3:06AM.
all my dad's fault. give us freedom until 4am cos of the concert.
i was quite happy about it. i mean the concert.
i think i did okay. but i screwed up a few notes.
at least i didnt drop my mute and at least i didnt whack any chairs.
stand by me was totally unexpected.
so i anyhow play. we didnt have the score so i faked.
it sounded quite like it, but i still screwed it, so...
i hope people liked the concert.
i tried my best, so i'm happy with it.
maybe i improved from this experience. :]

went to macs after at 11PM AT NIGHT. xD lol i didnt even know such a thing was possible.
ate alot of stuff but still hungry now.

i just didnt like my freaking blazer which is so huge and frustrating.
i was pissed with my blazer for about 10 minutes. -.-
see what kind of lame person i am.
i was completely preoccuped during those minutes before the performance itself.
seeing that person at the concert today made it a whole lot worse.
its weird wanting something you cant have.

i need to sleep.
but i cant. because i'm still thinking about it.
i'm so screwed.
dammit.
stupid week. made me feel so super emo. -.-
and confused.
i'm too paranoid these few days. i jump to some weird conclusions. after reading through all the posts i realize i'm never thinking.
wtf is wrong with my stupid brain.
i never freaking think. i pissed off some people cos i was being too emo and too self-absorbed.
cannot undo the damage.
i shouldnt have opened my big whiny mouth.
i'm damn angry with myself now.

[edit]
and if you're reading this, sarah, [i've read your recent post] i'm really sorry and i know you might not forgive me now but you should know i wasnt talking about you when i said i felt no sense of belonging because it was another group of people i was talking about and i cant believe i forgot to mention you because to tell the truth you're a big part of my life too. [i'm not just saying this to win your approval, or to be overly cheesy.]
you should also know that i feel really stupid about it and you probably knew that already cos you read the top half to get here.
so i cant undo whats done now and i really hope not to start another wreckingball fight again, so i'm sorry. you should know that i am grateful to you too for even forgiving me at that time because after looking back i didnt deserve that second chance you gave me and i might as well have blown it now.
i wasnt thinking when i made that conclusion because i was all jumpy about my grades. i should have asked you up front and i shouldnt have gone behind your back. i shouldnt even have made that conclusion.
i guess i never learn my lesson, just like my dad says.
i know i dont deserve to do what i did and i hope you understand.
because these past few days i've been really stupid.
yeah, i did enjoy performing today, but i really want to make this right again, because with the little friends i have i cant afford losing you again.
this is the second post i've ever posted asking for your forgiveness and hopefully i remember all that i'm supposed to and i dont have to do something like this again.
i'm really sorry. [i say this a hundred times it seems, i know. i just dont seem wired to learn from mistakes. its some stupid flaw i cant fix.]
yeah i sound very despo i know, but i cant name any other good friends that i have [cos i'm really antisocial and hopeless with friendships] besides you and cass so i really value your friendship.
i'll explain everything to you when i get the chance because i cant guarantee who reads my blog now.
[/edit]

i'll try and sleep now.
and hopefully i can think straight tomorrow so i wont mess anything else up.
need to show my cousin around singapore next week. i'll bring my homework when i sleepover at my aunt's place.

maybe in time you'll change your mind, now looking back i wish i could rewind.

i feel slightly less emo today.
but still emo. cos nothing to take my mind off how screwed up i am.
i bet nobody cares anyway. dont even know why the hell i mentioned it.
my dad bought new strings today. all gold and nylon. they were so hard to install. needed to use pliers to tune the stupid thing. my right thumb almost died.

rhythm xxiii tomorrow.
i'm extremely scared that i will hit the person-in-front-of-me's chair with my slide again.
when it happened yesterday i was in complete shock.
and i'm scared that i will mispitch the high and loud notes. and everyone will hear me and i will die on the spot.
and i'm scared that i'll go out of tune. especially the soft parts.
and i'm super scared of that part in saga where we're supposed to "drop" the mute as soon as we play. the floor is wooden, so everyone will hear it.
tried to simulate that mute action thing. it didnt work. -.-
i also must try to memorize a bit of the song so that i can watch the conductor and not be engrossed in the score.
you can probably say i'm nervous now.
i'll just try harder.

only like, three people from our class are going. and one of them wants to deliberately sabo dhssb.
wth. like: i'll fall asleep halfway and you refund me my ten dollars.
one of them doesnt appreciate music too.
so...
ah heck i dont care about our class people for now.
at least a lot of my family is going. :]

i finished my math today. took like 2 hours or something cos i was half distracted. -.-
i hate my blazer man. makes my shoulders looks super square while i'm super small.
i should grow fatter. yeah i know no girl ever says that.
my court shoes are weird. and i'm freaked out by the stockings.
i'll look extremely laughable tomorrow. and i bet right after the concert my cousin will be laughing at me for looking stupid.
and i bet i WILL hit someone with my slide.
nevermind. i still <3>
JIAYOU BAND. RHYTHM XXIII. WE CAN PULL IT OFF. :]

everything, it will surely change.

i felt super blur/emo today. -.- i dont know why.
certain people were annoying, and certain people dao-ed me as usual.
realized more than ever that i'll never fit in anywhere. thats the truth.
it will forever like i'm alien or something.
i dont know.
so many people dao me. i feel so ignored. and they're not supposed to dao me.
maybe i'm attention-seeking, yeah, but it doesnt feel good when people are seemingly DELIBERATELY ignoring you and you seem to be cut off from everyone else.
[what is my problem that i DESERVE TO BE IGNORED BY THESE PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE DAY. it's so confusing. can you please explain so i get an answer or at least feel less like a pile of useless shit.]
i guess this is why i was so dazed and hot-tempered this afternoon. i'm sorry, weiting. you didnt deserve my stupid outburst.
its so maddening and saddening at the same time.

band camp is over. as of today.
i hope i do good for the concert. i dont think i've practiced enough. i feel extremely slack.
i need to prove myself.
my parents already asked if i can reserve seats. -.-
i was off tune today. we went to go cancel our ensemble cos we're not prepared enough and we sound like crap.
i felt kindof wasted at first [that was when i got hot-tempered] but then i realized that if i did go up there i'd have a nervous breakdown and faint.
haha very funny.
polished my trombone today. mine is crap compared to the others. its all dotted and suckish with three tuning slides [?!] and no matter how much i polish it still looks mediocre.
i cant believe i just used the word.
mediocre.
i'm psycho yeah.
took photos today for band. i felt abit alone without cass in the group photo.
see how being left out feels. was saved by thiri in the second round of the group photos.
section photo was damn awkward. i felt awkward the whole time.
squad photo also awkward.
i'm not good with photos cos i'm no camwhore. -.-

my dad hasnt bought my D string, so i'm super bored.
i'm gonna go prac stuff on my mouthpiece. -.- so wuliao right.
can you see how screwed up my frikin life is. i've got NO life, and i've got NO sense of belonging anywhere except my family and with cass. [which is why i'm so thankful to her for GIVING me that sense of belonging. now i have everything else to worry about.]
can someone help fix me.
something's horribly wrong. its been wrong from the start and i cant fix it.
[guess that just the price i gotta pay] see i'm becoming better at quoting lyrics which mean something.
my life is so screwed.
i'm doomed.
there's no way i'll ever feel right for a long time. -.-

wondering when we're meeting up for math proj.
and rs.
and if anyone can fetch me home after class outing.
sigh. messed up. my dad is so...
made me rush off after band STRAIGHT. like: "YOU GO HOME IN TEN MINUTES OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO YOUR CONCERT YOU GET ME?"
wat is with all the threats.
i cant grow properly like this.
wth. this just reinforces the i'm doomed thing. walao.

does the pain weigh out the pride, and you look for a place to hide?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASS.

thanks for being such a great friend, and i hope your 14th year is as good as your 13th. i would have brought you a cake, but i wasnt there.
i'll give you your present either on saturday or during class outing or when we meet for math.


D: i just broke my D string while learning how to play 21guns. [it was sortof like: strum, strum, snap. -.- there's this scratch on my thumb now.] might be replacing tomorrow. my dads gonna buy a new string tmr.

didn't go for band today.
i felt so guilty the whole day. i didnt talk to my cousin. o.o
i was like thinking the whole time whether someone will get scolded cos of me.
i was also spending the day scared cass'll scold me for not re-buying her gift in time.
my aunt was like: "you know i only heard you say two words today."
was totally blur the whole day. my aunt caught me sitting alone in my uncle's spare room stoning. and the worst part was i didnt even know why i was stoning.
i think i either went mad, or i'm just sleep deprived. or just super blur by nature.

going for band tomorrow.
i dont wanna miss lunchtime concert and the 43rd anniversary. [the band is one year younger than my mom lol]
my baby cousin suddenly grew so much.
suddenly so fat and cute.
and i heard stories of my OTHER 2-year-old cousin choosing clothes that werent suitable.
why were'nt they suitable?
they were all pink.
i'm seriously concerned that he might turn out gay.

sigh. bought three new assessment books today. math and chinese. i'm gonna practice them everyday along with read some books and the news. -.-
and i hope i improve and get an A for my family to rejoice over and reward me.

when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul.

band camp today = super tired.
at first i was all eager to prac and stuff. but then i realized the lousy condition of my instru.
plus halfway thru fullband my front teeth starting hurting like mad
in the middle of "pain", i was seriously in pain. as in, at that time, the pain was that intense. maybe not intense, but... uh. overwhelming?
it didnt help that it was f-ing cold in there.
if its rly my trombone pressing on my teeth, and its so agonizingly painful, then i wont be able to handle braces.
okay, i wouldnt describe it as agonizing. -.-
but still quite pain. i have to do something.
how am i gonna handle 2/3 more days of this.
see if its pain again tmr first.

lunch was agonizing too. -.-
like seriously. look around so long also got nothing to eat.
even isaac said it sucked.
lost my appetite after eating. it left me hungrier than ever.
so i felt super uh... weak? halfway through that fullband session. with my teeth hurting everytime i try to blow something.
then my busted lip which i somehow tore last night while watching hp5 on vcd.
i need to prac more.
i shouldnt be this tired.
sigh.

la essay, natgeo, math ass, chinese book report left. i didnt really do anything much.
sigh. must chiong on friday. :D
i'm giving myself a strict deadline.
or else i'm committing suicide.
[yathink i'm serious? -.- stupid.]

when you're at the end of the road, and you've lost all sense of control.