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# 163; i solemnly vow to not blog again after this weekend up until exams are officially pronounced over.somehow this is better to say than: "hello world! i am going on hiatus!" hiatus is a funny word =.= and the above sounds really gay. if i blog any longer i'll be crushed and ruined by the exams which will kill me with an epic failgrade. i need to mug for jap EOY, and then yeah. mugging history for cass because she wants me to work on her hist question. i am going to fail. every single EOY. except history. and maybe LA. yeah heck la. i bought new pro-arte d'addario strings from yamaha after my mom's suggested visit to the doctor. [EJ47 Normal Tension; 80/20 Bronze Wound and Clear Nylon(: ] got a fever last night that arrived with no other symptoms other than a headache =.= the stress is sabotaging me. we also bought a bunch of comfort food including candy and toblerone. yeah i think i need to stop with facebook too. i'll just let my mom play bejeweled on my account to her heart's content -.- exams are unnecessary and paper-wasting. they also damage your stresslevel and health.
i look so good, without you.
# 162; jap oral was okay i guess. except i screwed up my conversation? me: oh i think malaysia is quite big and pretty. teacher: okay so which do you like better? malaysia or singapore? me: singapore. teacher: why? me: because... because.. i live here. -.- screwed up damn. this weekend is F1 weekend and everywhere will be extremely crowded. but i'll have to spend it inside my house studying the whole day. dont even think i got time to watch it on TV. i think my math test was quite screwed so i'll do math tmr. and chinese. i'll have to... read. sigh i hate reading chinese stuff. i always read like 5 words and stop to check the dict. i need a new mp3 player. the road is super boring without music. i am quite happy today for a reason i cannot publicly reveal for fear of public humiliation. shit i sound so freaking cheem today =.= yeah i am happy. and motivated to mugmugmug. because what i was so afraid of turned out really stupid. i'd like to make myself believe.
# 161; you can't play on broken strings
 my A string broke yet again. i think capos are quite stupid. especially when the guitar is on your lap while you are attempting to juggle between tabs while learning songs and you just happen to be leaning on the A string. i'll need to buy a whole new set of strings. according to my dad, strings dont come individually. eh is this supposed to be karma that it broke on the night i broke my record and learned like 4 songs in less than 1 hour. =.= but yeah, as effectively quoted from james morrison: "you can't play on broken strings". math test was screwed up. okay, yeah, not so much for me as for other people, i know that. i forgot the unit for the rhombus question, and i think i should have answered that correctly. i love trigo(: but i skipped a few questions and i screwed up the graph-ish one. mygosh. went home with rebecca, chingying and l.xinyi on 12. singledecker. i suspect rongying is the reason for our misfortune today. -.- she had a date with patrick (and iris and her computing group?) sigh. i'll find a way to repair my string. before my dad comes back from overseas and busts me. does anyone have a spare for a despo person who is afraid of her dad T.T damn. badluck seems to love me, doesn't it. jap oral countdown: tomorrow. i've got my speech memorized, so it shouldn't be a problem. i'll just need to, uh, improve my speech. jiayou(: wish i could be released early tmr. but i dont want my oral to be early.
holding on tightly, just can't let it go.
just trying to play my role, to slowly disappear.
# 160; its so freaking hard to chase after something that just might hate you so much its impossible. at least someone's finally there to remind me i'm still somebody. math ct tmr. i suck at math. revising tonight as a last-ditch effort. i'm gonna screw it, as usual. like i screwed today's acc. and yesterday's roleplay. confusion; did you really have to do that, when i'm so confused about it? hell, its not even worth my concern, anyway. you're you. can't change that. might as well not give a damn. i'm going to mug as hard as i've ever mugged ever these next few days, leading up to EOYs. i need to make sure i do well. or at least better than the screwup that was last sem. -.- i need someone to help me mug. jap oral is 2 days away. i've practically memorized my speech. going over it again tonight, and then going over all the basic grammar stuff. dont want to sound like an idiot xD and i want that 9.5 back. watching HSM3 again cos trysh felt like it and she didnt wanna study. so i'm sortof multitasking now? chiong ah. oh btw i think ronza is coming xD better start saving if i want to buy the nice stuff. or even be able to access the area she'll be in? lol ronza. so what if it hurts me, so what if i break down?
so what if the world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place, i wanna hear myself
don't care about all the pain in front of me,
'cause i'm just trying to be happy.
# 158; mid-autumn + cathecism retreat!
this year's midautumn was fun(:
even though i didn't perform, we still did CIP and class bonding.
and earned a total of 150plus bucks. we're imba. bought popcorn and cool keychains. but missed the band performance. ohwell. it was classbonding. and CIP hours? =.= our lantern was really cool. but i hate it cos it blocked my face in class photo. is this some kind of screwed delusion to ensure that all the band ppl are not seen in the photo =.=
lol the pictures:  our lantern!(: [side note: me and iris were actually working on a lame side-project (aka tearing up crepe paper) but in the end it was put to some use. iris was in awe.]
 2Lystra minus band people! i hate our lantern. it blocked my face on both class photos la damn.
 MrsKoh and JingPei epicfailing. lystra+lisbon =.=
 okay yeah this picture is just stupid. credits to rongying(:
i copied these off the class blog haha.
cathecism retreat was this morning up until five.
i overslept -.-
the retreat was fun and boring at some parts.
the games were damn retarded lol.
will post up our epicfail tree another time.
(some idiot decided to start up a drama at some part though. went to go anger our cathecist. call him guailan somemore. i think he has nobrains. =.=)
the whole thing was quite spritually enriching.
i love being catholic(:
still on the fence about exam mass.
my parents would rather not me miss sunday's mass to go for this one.
long weekend. there's healing mass on monday.
we're supposed to volunteer.
should i?
today and yesterday was quite happy.
the happiest i've been in a long time(:
okay until this happened:
"I returned to check my trap, but it appeared a Mobster mouse worth a prize (25 pieces of SUPERbrie+) had eaten a piece of cheese without setting it off."
T.T so i guess this statement has good news and bad news?
above all powers, above all kings
above all nature and all created things
above all wisdom and all the ways of man
you were here before the world began
above all kingdoms, above all thrones
above all wonders the world has ever known
above all wealth and treasures of the earth
there's no way to measure what you're worth
crucified, laid behind the stone
you lived to die, rejected and alone
like a rose, trampled on the ground
you took the fall, and thought of me
above all
GOD IS GOOD(:
# 157; GAHHHH. damn it i have NO FREEDOM. he scolds me on "choosing by yourself to stay back", and i "cannot do anything unless I TELL YOU." ITS SCHOOL. where would i go? some bar to watch porn? zzz. then why dont we just buy some condo next to the school? WTF. he doesn't trust me, and he expects me to respect him. its damn hard. i cannot even use the internet without his permission la. like: "ohnoes! it will lag my computer gameeee! D:" WTFFFF. sighhhhhhhh. i am very angry today. if i had like 10% more freedom, i'd be damn happy. its like i'm a little kid. am i that untrustworthy? when is band phototaking. =.= do we even have phototaking. i wish i could perform this friday. WHY IS MY LIFE SO FRIKING HARD. you dont know me at all. maybe someday we can figure all this out, try to put an end to all our doubt, try to find a way to make things better now; and maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud, we'll be better off somehow; SOMEDAY.
# 156; i'm practically invisible. i can leave school for a week and nobody would give a damn about what happened to me. i could migrate to another country and life in school would be exactly the same. even in "the happiest part of school life" [for me, anyway], i'm invisible. nobody gives a damn about me. except a few people. like, 2, 3? i'm not even important to anyone damn it. its making me feel like some insignificant floor board. [hell, you can tell from how many people read this blog and actually care enough to tag =.=] i need a distraction. someone else that will stop me from chasing after someone who's practically impossible, someone who doesn't even talk to me. its unhealthy. we had performance today and quite a few people thought it was failed. interaction was ... we wrote our names with our butts. luckily it was only the first name. or else i would die. "L...A...U...R...A...Y...S...E...T...T...A...M...E...N...D...O...Z...A...R...A...Q...U...E...P...O..." everyone would like, go buy a drink while i'm doing it. took bus 29 home with joycelyn. discovered that alot of trombones live in tampines wtf. like, everyone except a few? and pamela lives across the road from me. joycelyn is one bus stop before. we talked about stuff. i'm such a nice senior. make friends with my juniors. treat them like my friends. i'm imba. the memories are too painful. you cant imagine how many nights i've been awake staring at the ceiling =.= Here's a song for the nights I think too much
# 155; last night i dreamed of guitars.D: I MISSED CHUNKFEST DAMNIT. free ice cream can never be a bad thing. and its always a good thing. its' ben and jerry's T.T [wait. there was free ice cream, right?] school on monday. OH JOY. mixed feelings again. i am now very, very emo cos this stupid app on facebook told me i'm a noob. Me: Am I a noob?
Fortune Teller Genius: What a good question! Of course! FML lor. it has to be screwed up in some way right? D: i'm still looking for that little ray of sunshine to break through the clouds. and then maybe it'll grow bigger. look at the stars, look how they shine for you.
and everything you do.
yeah they were all yellow.
# 154; hello. i just realized its 9/11. had quite an interesting day yesterday. went to ion, citylink, kovan[aunt's house], tampines one. my mom insisted on taking countless photos at ion cos she said the outside looked cool. rongying fel chitty and zhimin were just over for mov roleplay. my dad was pissed at them for being 2h late. but then i told them to say hi and bye to him [cos he likes it] then he not pissed anymore. cos i am smart. we just made posters. and rehearsed. i didn't even feel like these were holidays. and now they're over. time flies. oh, and holidays don't exist. just like unicorns and leprechauns and an innocent, virgin, straight rongying. going to watch spiderman3. see if it follows the story of our psp game =.= [it prob does lor] i seriously need to get a life. and i'm hungry. i got selected to go for hssrp. quite happy. i thought mrschin will not let me in cos i'm "not really motivated, and quite irresponsible", but in the end i'm still going. humanites and LA are the only thing i can hang on to. mathsciencechinese can go die alr. hope eoys go well. really studied alot this week. What's the use in trying.All you get is pain.When I wanted sunshine, I got rain.
# 153;
(nine the movie -.-)
HAPPY 9/9/09 :D [i never knew this was a special date until someone sms-ed me saying: HAPPY 999! MAY YOU BE HAPPY AND LUCKY FOREVER. same to you, dudes who read and don't tag =.=] sugar rushhhh. we have performance on monday.
with scary unexpected commentary.
first movement of 1st suite only. -.-
i'm very inferior, so i'm only playing one song.
all those ASLs and teachers day ppl play at least 2. T.T
yanting will play all three[four?] haha jiayou.
i love first suite =.= i dont know why. [i'm listening to it now; taken off youtube]
they cut off march so sad. our lead line is there T.T
so far i've spent my day making study mindmaps, listening to classical music [O:]
and stuffing myself with yupi mini-burgers.
isn't my life just fun.
eoys are coming.
i'm going to stay up late, [ytd i stayed up late for the wrong reason; movie marathon wolverine and 27dresses dvds -.-] wake up early, and stuff myself with knowledge =.=
at least get over 3 -.-
and if possible, [i dont know about this] get a 3.6?
i'll work really hard.
practiced gonghan just now. its tested isnt it.
i'm going to learn some good zuowen phrases and read books cos my grammar sucks.
must be focused.
must be determined.
must stuff self with chocolate, sugar and classical music[?!]
happy boom boom :D
# 152; band today was tiring i guess. it was fun. and i played until my left hand purple. but it was fun(: hope performance goes well. after band went to chitty's house with lagroup. super spastic. sang stupid songs while rongying raided my iTunes. and took spastic photos. zhimin taught me how to play canon in d hahaha. irock. and now i know like, 2 proper songs on the piano. =.= we came up with lotsof spastic stuff for the play. and quaaaaack. =.= and twister lol. twister was supersick. like: move here, move there, take photo of disturbing pose. -.- if one of them posts a facebook album i'm coming after them. the ride home was disastrous. bus so squeezy. dropped handphone and it broke into (three) pieces; battery, battery cover, phone without battery. put it back in the end. makes no diff. =.= sighhh. tmr is band again. i better sleep early. nothing like band to distract you from the suckishness of life. straight through my heart, a single bullet got me.i can't stop the bleeding.
# 151; blogger truly is unpredictable. =.= thats all i have to say. braces yesterday (: the dentist said my teeth are straightening and that my brushing improved. so they changed to a thicker wire which hurt like hell when they put it on. they're still red. and i have to survive like 20 more months of this? T.T church today. missed children's mass in the morning. you could say i half-forgot, half-overslept. and it was half-mydadneverletmego. that's three halves. take it as 1/3 each kay. :D i felt guilty too, but then i remembered someone saying: "those who are not acting speaking roles don't really need to come, but its good if you come and support your friends by being 'the crowd'" =.= do i need to confess? band tmr. i think we're playing first suite Eb again. my sister's band played it before omg. he really meant it when he said: "its really well-known" i'm going to stress myself pitch that high G. and that high F =.= after band i'm meeting up with ry, fel, chitty and zhimin at chitty's house. until 5 i think. LA MoV roleplay. full dress -.- AIR PORK. my parents just had a quarrel. it was really scary. my dad really needs a reality check. the whole world doesn't revolve around one person.
# 150; haha i just looked through my archives and found some happy post proclaiming the new year and the promise not be emo o.o that's not possible, now, if you look at it this way. i'm going to be emo. its numb. it feels good. its not those pain type of emo la. its the type where you shut out everyone around you. so that you cant hurt anyone and no one can hurt you. so that you wont care about what everyone says and everyone can ignore what you say guilt-free. its confusing. but it works. for me, at least. =.= you dont like it? shut up. again, i dont care if you flame me, punch me, proclaim to the world about me. its my opinion. my view. my actions. its the only way i can live my life without anyone caring excessively about me. because if they do, i'll just let them down again. that's the truth, isnt it. it's happened too many freaking times.tomorrow's braces appointment again. i still want it red. and hopefully it wont be so pain now. cant wait to start my guitar lessons. hope my parents remembered. i can drown myself in music and never come out. sigh. i wish i had something to take my mind off this dire situation. i'll read new moon. its depressing though. xD heck, la. just read about someone else's life and forget about mine. my shadow's the only one that walks beside me; my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating; sometimes i wish someone out there would find me; till then i walk alone. gotten myself stuck on a boulevard of broken dreams.
# 149; i can't believe it. i'm really really surprised with myself. i'm really happy. i thought i was going to get a 30-low 40 grade for chinese. i got 49-half, after adding 4 marks. i'm damn happy with it. (: patty said it would be rounded off. i'm extremely happy. i almost jumped off the sixth floor in shock. considering my last test got 30 something, i'm extremely happy. i revised my chengyu yanyu suyu the right way and passed it except for a few careless. veryveryhappy. so happy that i didnt get why weiting said she flunked her test when she got 60 plus. excuse me while i hyperventilate in the corner while rocking back and forth giving the impression that i'm either drunk, high or insane :D but that was it, really. the same sucky mood continued today. [well, until i got my chinese paper, but the happy part lasted until the end of the period] i kept thinking about what happened last night, and what's happened to my life. at least there were no cartoons. =.= sighhh. i feel really guilty now too, to add to all the shit. i skipped my sp today. i was supposed to have today to sp. but then nobody was with me, then i started having this really bad headache. so i very selfishly went home on 12. i'm going to try and meet weiting tmr at 7 to try and sp in the morning. she better come. =.= i was in a bad mood at the end of the day, abit pissed when she didnt wanna sp. but its okay, actually. i'm perfectly happy with weiting now. partly cos i didn't go too. for my own selfish reason. slept just now anyway. my headache is almost completely gone le. its like a dull ache now. -.- in the back of my head? T.T i just finished re-reading twilight. after my nap. it was so clear in my mind lor, then when ms chan was talking about sweet breath during LA, i thought of edward cullen too. [i heard cass =.=] sighhh. i'm going to revise humanities. humanities seems very easy for me to revise. because they're more interesting to me. i dont think i will get in to HSSRP. the teachers hate me anyway. mrs chin was like: are you sure you can cope? the last time there was a research thingy. i need to prove myself. i feel the salty waves come in, i feel them crash against my skin; and i smile as i respire because i know they'll never win.
# 148; i'm fucking pissed. yeah, i dont care. i'm so pissed i dont even care bout censoring the f-word. -for sanity's sake, i'm ignoring the lengthy, more vulgar part- the jist? yeah my dad spanked my sister with wooden drumsticks that hurt real bad after stressing her before her chinese mock exam [pass or i spank you]. and he doesn't care about us cos he cares more about his stupid game. if he cared, we'd be much happier. only mealtimes and weekends to talk. and still most of the weekend is spent on the stupid game.GO AND DIE WORLD OF WARCRAFT. go and die.sighh. my day sucked. science test was okay. phototaking sucked la. the grass so damn itchy. didnt get to take in front of kongzi. so confused abt posing. in the end so still and undynamic. and i felt so unprepared o.o and yeah. all the other classes seemed to have prepared class tee. for some reason, was thinking suicidal during math and drawing suicidal cartoons on my workbook. you should have seen them =.= knives and daggers and swords and a happy hang-woman and a girl being struck by lightning, run over by a car, run through with an arrow, and jumping off a building. the worst part of it is: it was absentminded doodling. wtf la. i'm not suicidal kay. went home on 12 with ry aft that. oh yeah, i still havent mentioned the school suckiness. have i mentioned that everyone absolutely loves me? yeah, right. tomorrow we might be getting back our chinese test. OH, JOY. just what i need in my already perfect life, huh? hello, confirmed failure. goodbye, hope.wooden drumsticks with trysha. i'm never going to tell him. maybe i'll forge :/ but thats stooping to a very low level. i mean. what if he picks up my guitar and smashes it over my head. i'm damn scared. no more hope. school sucks. life sucks. take me out of my misery. i'm damn fucking pissed. my life is so screwed up.
147; wishing all teachers a HAPPY TEACHERS' DAYenjoy(: they've been of so much help and yeah sacrifice themselves for us, so i love you (: [omggay] this was actually supposed to be a post where i complain that i have no life, no friends, no one to comfort me, i am a coward, and i'm involuntarily acting like some lovestruck teenager and reduced to writing songs he'll never hear because he'll never acknowledge me. something along the lines of: "I couldn't see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned."recognize that? [chapter 4. =.=]BUT. to spare you all, blogger has decided to not let me post that up with an excuse: you must have pressed the publish button twice! O: sighh.i am still taking the stand that my life sucks.and if it weren't so valuable and this were an infinite-life game, i'd jump off a building just for thepain.i just wanna go back to school. having nothing to do further amplifies this feeling of hopelessness. i wish someone had my back. someone i could talk to, maybe? yeah. to sum it up in two words: i'm pathetic. =.= i'm going to spam mousehunt now. [omgwtfff isaac got a mobster T.T] which sucks. 10breeds while the others have like ninjas and burglars and glitchpaws. i'm doomed to be noobish. T.T thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great
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lauraysettaMENDOZAraquepo
DHS 2Lystra o9; 3C '10
FOURTEEN on 0312.
DHSSBtrombones♥; Too Long For You♥
It's the wrongs that make the words come to life.
Hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr.
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# 163; i solemnly vow to not blog again after this weekend up until exams are officially pronounced over.somehow this is better to say than: "hello world! i am going on hiatus!" hiatus is a funny word =.= and the above sounds really gay. if i blog any longer i'll be crushed and ruined by the exams which will kill me with an epic failgrade. i need to mug for jap EOY, and then yeah. mugging history for cass because she wants me to work on her hist question. i am going to fail. every single EOY. except history. and maybe LA. yeah heck la. i bought new pro-arte d'addario strings from yamaha after my mom's suggested visit to the doctor. [EJ47 Normal Tension; 80/20 Bronze Wound and Clear Nylon(: ] got a fever last night that arrived with no other symptoms other than a headache =.= the stress is sabotaging me. we also bought a bunch of comfort food including candy and toblerone. yeah i think i need to stop with facebook too. i'll just let my mom play bejeweled on my account to her heart's content -.- exams are unnecessary and paper-wasting. they also damage your stresslevel and health.
i look so good, without you.
# 162; jap oral was okay i guess. except i screwed up my conversation? me: oh i think malaysia is quite big and pretty. teacher: okay so which do you like better? malaysia or singapore? me: singapore. teacher: why? me: because... because.. i live here. -.- screwed up damn. this weekend is F1 weekend and everywhere will be extremely crowded. but i'll have to spend it inside my house studying the whole day. dont even think i got time to watch it on TV. i think my math test was quite screwed so i'll do math tmr. and chinese. i'll have to... read. sigh i hate reading chinese stuff. i always read like 5 words and stop to check the dict. i need a new mp3 player. the road is super boring without music. i am quite happy today for a reason i cannot publicly reveal for fear of public humiliation. shit i sound so freaking cheem today =.= yeah i am happy. and motivated to mugmugmug. because what i was so afraid of turned out really stupid. i'd like to make myself believe.
# 161; you can't play on broken strings
my A string broke yet again. i think capos are quite stupid. especially when the guitar is on your lap while you are attempting to juggle between tabs while learning songs and you just happen to be leaning on the A string. i'll need to buy a whole new set of strings. according to my dad, strings dont come individually. eh is this supposed to be karma that it broke on the night i broke my record and learned like 4 songs in less than 1 hour. =.= but yeah, as effectively quoted from james morrison: "you can't play on broken strings". math test was screwed up. okay, yeah, not so much for me as for other people, i know that. i forgot the unit for the rhombus question, and i think i should have answered that correctly. i love trigo(: but i skipped a few questions and i screwed up the graph-ish one. mygosh. went home with rebecca, chingying and l.xinyi on 12. singledecker. i suspect rongying is the reason for our misfortune today. -.- she had a date with patrick (and iris and her computing group?) sigh. i'll find a way to repair my string. before my dad comes back from overseas and busts me. does anyone have a spare for a despo person who is afraid of her dad T.T damn. badluck seems to love me, doesn't it. jap oral countdown: tomorrow. i've got my speech memorized, so it shouldn't be a problem. i'll just need to, uh, improve my speech. jiayou(: wish i could be released early tmr. but i dont want my oral to be early.
holding on tightly, just can't let it go.
just trying to play my role, to slowly disappear.
# 160; its so freaking hard to chase after something that just might hate you so much its impossible. at least someone's finally there to remind me i'm still somebody. math ct tmr. i suck at math. revising tonight as a last-ditch effort. i'm gonna screw it, as usual. like i screwed today's acc. and yesterday's roleplay. confusion; did you really have to do that, when i'm so confused about it? hell, its not even worth my concern, anyway. you're you. can't change that. might as well not give a damn. i'm going to mug as hard as i've ever mugged ever these next few days, leading up to EOYs. i need to make sure i do well. or at least better than the screwup that was last sem. -.- i need someone to help me mug. jap oral is 2 days away. i've practically memorized my speech. going over it again tonight, and then going over all the basic grammar stuff. dont want to sound like an idiot xD and i want that 9.5 back. watching HSM3 again cos trysh felt like it and she didnt wanna study. so i'm sortof multitasking now? chiong ah. oh btw i think ronza is coming xD better start saving if i want to buy the nice stuff. or even be able to access the area she'll be in? lol ronza. so what if it hurts me, so what if i break down?
so what if the world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place, i wanna hear myself
don't care about all the pain in front of me,
'cause i'm just trying to be happy.
# 158; mid-autumn + cathecism retreat!
this year's midautumn was fun(:
even though i didn't perform, we still did CIP and class bonding.
and earned a total of 150plus bucks. we're imba. bought popcorn and cool keychains. but missed the band performance. ohwell. it was classbonding. and CIP hours? =.= our lantern was really cool. but i hate it cos it blocked my face in class photo. is this some kind of screwed delusion to ensure that all the band ppl are not seen in the photo =.=
lol the pictures: our lantern!(: [side note: me and iris were actually working on a lame side-project (aka tearing up crepe paper) but in the end it was put to some use. iris was in awe.]
2Lystra minus band people! i hate our lantern. it blocked my face on both class photos la damn.
MrsKoh and JingPei epicfailing. lystra+lisbon =.=
okay yeah this picture is just stupid. credits to rongying(:
i copied these off the class blog haha.
cathecism retreat was this morning up until five.
i overslept -.-
the retreat was fun and boring at some parts.
the games were damn retarded lol.
will post up our epicfail tree another time.
(some idiot decided to start up a drama at some part though. went to go anger our cathecist. call him guailan somemore. i think he has nobrains. =.=)
the whole thing was quite spritually enriching.
i love being catholic(:
still on the fence about exam mass.
my parents would rather not me miss sunday's mass to go for this one.
long weekend. there's healing mass on monday.
we're supposed to volunteer.
should i?
today and yesterday was quite happy.
the happiest i've been in a long time(:
okay until this happened:
"I returned to check my trap, but it appeared a Mobster mouse worth a prize (25 pieces of SUPERbrie+) had eaten a piece of cheese without setting it off."
T.T so i guess this statement has good news and bad news?
above all powers, above all kings
above all nature and all created things
above all wisdom and all the ways of man
you were here before the world began
above all kingdoms, above all thrones
above all wonders the world has ever known
above all wealth and treasures of the earth
there's no way to measure what you're worth
crucified, laid behind the stone
you lived to die, rejected and alone
like a rose, trampled on the ground
you took the fall, and thought of me
above all
GOD IS GOOD(:
# 157; GAHHHH. damn it i have NO FREEDOM. he scolds me on "choosing by yourself to stay back", and i "cannot do anything unless I TELL YOU." ITS SCHOOL. where would i go? some bar to watch porn? zzz. then why dont we just buy some condo next to the school? WTF. he doesn't trust me, and he expects me to respect him. its damn hard. i cannot even use the internet without his permission la. like: "ohnoes! it will lag my computer gameeee! D:" WTFFFF. sighhhhhhhh. i am very angry today. if i had like 10% more freedom, i'd be damn happy. its like i'm a little kid. am i that untrustworthy? when is band phototaking. =.= do we even have phototaking. i wish i could perform this friday. WHY IS MY LIFE SO FRIKING HARD. you dont know me at all. maybe someday we can figure all this out, try to put an end to all our doubt, try to find a way to make things better now; and maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud, we'll be better off somehow; SOMEDAY.
# 156; i'm practically invisible. i can leave school for a week and nobody would give a damn about what happened to me. i could migrate to another country and life in school would be exactly the same. even in "the happiest part of school life" [for me, anyway], i'm invisible. nobody gives a damn about me. except a few people. like, 2, 3? i'm not even important to anyone damn it. its making me feel like some insignificant floor board. [hell, you can tell from how many people read this blog and actually care enough to tag =.=] i need a distraction. someone else that will stop me from chasing after someone who's practically impossible, someone who doesn't even talk to me. its unhealthy. we had performance today and quite a few people thought it was failed. interaction was ... we wrote our names with our butts. luckily it was only the first name. or else i would die. "L...A...U...R...A...Y...S...E...T...T...A...M...E...N...D...O...Z...A...R...A...Q...U...E...P...O..." everyone would like, go buy a drink while i'm doing it. took bus 29 home with joycelyn. discovered that alot of trombones live in tampines wtf. like, everyone except a few? and pamela lives across the road from me. joycelyn is one bus stop before. we talked about stuff. i'm such a nice senior. make friends with my juniors. treat them like my friends. i'm imba. the memories are too painful. you cant imagine how many nights i've been awake staring at the ceiling =.= Here's a song for the nights I think too much
# 155; last night i dreamed of guitars.D: I MISSED CHUNKFEST DAMNIT. free ice cream can never be a bad thing. and its always a good thing. its' ben and jerry's T.T [wait. there was free ice cream, right?] school on monday. OH JOY. mixed feelings again. i am now very, very emo cos this stupid app on facebook told me i'm a noob. Me: Am I a noob?
Fortune Teller Genius: What a good question! Of course! FML lor. it has to be screwed up in some way right? D: i'm still looking for that little ray of sunshine to break through the clouds. and then maybe it'll grow bigger. look at the stars, look how they shine for you.
and everything you do.
yeah they were all yellow.
# 154; hello. i just realized its 9/11. had quite an interesting day yesterday. went to ion, citylink, kovan[aunt's house], tampines one. my mom insisted on taking countless photos at ion cos she said the outside looked cool. rongying fel chitty and zhimin were just over for mov roleplay. my dad was pissed at them for being 2h late. but then i told them to say hi and bye to him [cos he likes it] then he not pissed anymore. cos i am smart. we just made posters. and rehearsed. i didn't even feel like these were holidays. and now they're over. time flies. oh, and holidays don't exist. just like unicorns and leprechauns and an innocent, virgin, straight rongying. going to watch spiderman3. see if it follows the story of our psp game =.= [it prob does lor] i seriously need to get a life. and i'm hungry. i got selected to go for hssrp. quite happy. i thought mrschin will not let me in cos i'm "not really motivated, and quite irresponsible", but in the end i'm still going. humanites and LA are the only thing i can hang on to. mathsciencechinese can go die alr. hope eoys go well. really studied alot this week. What's the use in trying.All you get is pain.When I wanted sunshine, I got rain.
# 153;
(nine the movie -.-)
HAPPY 9/9/09 :D [i never knew this was a special date until someone sms-ed me saying: HAPPY 999! MAY YOU BE HAPPY AND LUCKY FOREVER. same to you, dudes who read and don't tag =.=] sugar rushhhh. we have performance on monday.
with scary unexpected commentary.
first movement of 1st suite only. -.-
i'm very inferior, so i'm only playing one song.
all those ASLs and teachers day ppl play at least 2. T.T
yanting will play all three[four?] haha jiayou.
i love first suite =.= i dont know why. [i'm listening to it now; taken off youtube]
they cut off march so sad. our lead line is there T.T
so far i've spent my day making study mindmaps, listening to classical music [O:]
and stuffing myself with yupi mini-burgers.
isn't my life just fun.
eoys are coming.
i'm going to stay up late, [ytd i stayed up late for the wrong reason; movie marathon wolverine and 27dresses dvds -.-] wake up early, and stuff myself with knowledge =.=
at least get over 3 -.-
and if possible, [i dont know about this] get a 3.6?
i'll work really hard.
practiced gonghan just now. its tested isnt it.
i'm going to learn some good zuowen phrases and read books cos my grammar sucks.
must be focused.
must be determined.
must stuff self with chocolate, sugar and classical music[?!]
happy boom boom :D
# 152; band today was tiring i guess. it was fun. and i played until my left hand purple. but it was fun(: hope performance goes well. after band went to chitty's house with lagroup. super spastic. sang stupid songs while rongying raided my iTunes. and took spastic photos. zhimin taught me how to play canon in d hahaha. irock. and now i know like, 2 proper songs on the piano. =.= we came up with lotsof spastic stuff for the play. and quaaaaack. =.= and twister lol. twister was supersick. like: move here, move there, take photo of disturbing pose. -.- if one of them posts a facebook album i'm coming after them. the ride home was disastrous. bus so squeezy. dropped handphone and it broke into (three) pieces; battery, battery cover, phone without battery. put it back in the end. makes no diff. =.= sighhh. tmr is band again. i better sleep early. nothing like band to distract you from the suckishness of life. straight through my heart, a single bullet got me.i can't stop the bleeding.
# 151; blogger truly is unpredictable. =.= thats all i have to say. braces yesterday (: the dentist said my teeth are straightening and that my brushing improved. so they changed to a thicker wire which hurt like hell when they put it on. they're still red. and i have to survive like 20 more months of this? T.T church today. missed children's mass in the morning. you could say i half-forgot, half-overslept. and it was half-mydadneverletmego. that's three halves. take it as 1/3 each kay. :D i felt guilty too, but then i remembered someone saying: "those who are not acting speaking roles don't really need to come, but its good if you come and support your friends by being 'the crowd'" =.= do i need to confess? band tmr. i think we're playing first suite Eb again. my sister's band played it before omg. he really meant it when he said: "its really well-known" i'm going to stress myself pitch that high G. and that high F =.= after band i'm meeting up with ry, fel, chitty and zhimin at chitty's house. until 5 i think. LA MoV roleplay. full dress -.- AIR PORK. my parents just had a quarrel. it was really scary. my dad really needs a reality check. the whole world doesn't revolve around one person.
# 150; haha i just looked through my archives and found some happy post proclaiming the new year and the promise not be emo o.o that's not possible, now, if you look at it this way. i'm going to be emo. its numb. it feels good. its not those pain type of emo la. its the type where you shut out everyone around you. so that you cant hurt anyone and no one can hurt you. so that you wont care about what everyone says and everyone can ignore what you say guilt-free. its confusing. but it works. for me, at least. =.= you dont like it? shut up. again, i dont care if you flame me, punch me, proclaim to the world about me. its my opinion. my view. my actions. its the only way i can live my life without anyone caring excessively about me. because if they do, i'll just let them down again. that's the truth, isnt it. it's happened too many freaking times.tomorrow's braces appointment again. i still want it red. and hopefully it wont be so pain now. cant wait to start my guitar lessons. hope my parents remembered. i can drown myself in music and never come out. sigh. i wish i had something to take my mind off this dire situation. i'll read new moon. its depressing though. xD heck, la. just read about someone else's life and forget about mine. my shadow's the only one that walks beside me; my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating; sometimes i wish someone out there would find me; till then i walk alone. gotten myself stuck on a boulevard of broken dreams.
# 149; i can't believe it. i'm really really surprised with myself. i'm really happy. i thought i was going to get a 30-low 40 grade for chinese. i got 49-half, after adding 4 marks. i'm damn happy with it. (: patty said it would be rounded off. i'm extremely happy. i almost jumped off the sixth floor in shock. considering my last test got 30 something, i'm extremely happy. i revised my chengyu yanyu suyu the right way and passed it except for a few careless. veryveryhappy. so happy that i didnt get why weiting said she flunked her test when she got 60 plus. excuse me while i hyperventilate in the corner while rocking back and forth giving the impression that i'm either drunk, high or insane :D but that was it, really. the same sucky mood continued today. [well, until i got my chinese paper, but the happy part lasted until the end of the period] i kept thinking about what happened last night, and what's happened to my life. at least there were no cartoons. =.= sighhh. i feel really guilty now too, to add to all the shit. i skipped my sp today. i was supposed to have today to sp. but then nobody was with me, then i started having this really bad headache. so i very selfishly went home on 12. i'm going to try and meet weiting tmr at 7 to try and sp in the morning. she better come. =.= i was in a bad mood at the end of the day, abit pissed when she didnt wanna sp. but its okay, actually. i'm perfectly happy with weiting now. partly cos i didn't go too. for my own selfish reason. slept just now anyway. my headache is almost completely gone le. its like a dull ache now. -.- in the back of my head? T.T i just finished re-reading twilight. after my nap. it was so clear in my mind lor, then when ms chan was talking about sweet breath during LA, i thought of edward cullen too. [i heard cass =.=] sighhh. i'm going to revise humanities. humanities seems very easy for me to revise. because they're more interesting to me. i dont think i will get in to HSSRP. the teachers hate me anyway. mrs chin was like: are you sure you can cope? the last time there was a research thingy. i need to prove myself. i feel the salty waves come in, i feel them crash against my skin; and i smile as i respire because i know they'll never win.
# 148; i'm fucking pissed. yeah, i dont care. i'm so pissed i dont even care bout censoring the f-word. -for sanity's sake, i'm ignoring the lengthy, more vulgar part- the jist? yeah my dad spanked my sister with wooden drumsticks that hurt real bad after stressing her before her chinese mock exam [pass or i spank you]. and he doesn't care about us cos he cares more about his stupid game. if he cared, we'd be much happier. only mealtimes and weekends to talk. and still most of the weekend is spent on the stupid game.GO AND DIE WORLD OF WARCRAFT. go and die.sighh. my day sucked. science test was okay. phototaking sucked la. the grass so damn itchy. didnt get to take in front of kongzi. so confused abt posing. in the end so still and undynamic. and i felt so unprepared o.o and yeah. all the other classes seemed to have prepared class tee. for some reason, was thinking suicidal during math and drawing suicidal cartoons on my workbook. you should have seen them =.= knives and daggers and swords and a happy hang-woman and a girl being struck by lightning, run over by a car, run through with an arrow, and jumping off a building. the worst part of it is: it was absentminded doodling. wtf la. i'm not suicidal kay. went home on 12 with ry aft that. oh yeah, i still havent mentioned the school suckiness. have i mentioned that everyone absolutely loves me? yeah, right. tomorrow we might be getting back our chinese test. OH, JOY. just what i need in my already perfect life, huh? hello, confirmed failure. goodbye, hope.wooden drumsticks with trysha. i'm never going to tell him. maybe i'll forge :/ but thats stooping to a very low level. i mean. what if he picks up my guitar and smashes it over my head. i'm damn scared. no more hope. school sucks. life sucks. take me out of my misery. i'm damn fucking pissed. my life is so screwed up.
147; wishing all teachers a HAPPY TEACHERS' DAYenjoy(: they've been of so much help and yeah sacrifice themselves for us, so i love you (: [omggay] this was actually supposed to be a post where i complain that i have no life, no friends, no one to comfort me, i am a coward, and i'm involuntarily acting like some lovestruck teenager and reduced to writing songs he'll never hear because he'll never acknowledge me. something along the lines of: "I couldn't see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned."recognize that? [chapter 4. =.=]BUT. to spare you all, blogger has decided to not let me post that up with an excuse: you must have pressed the publish button twice! O: sighh.i am still taking the stand that my life sucks.and if it weren't so valuable and this were an infinite-life game, i'd jump off a building just for thepain.i just wanna go back to school. having nothing to do further amplifies this feeling of hopelessness. i wish someone had my back. someone i could talk to, maybe? yeah. to sum it up in two words: i'm pathetic. =.= i'm going to spam mousehunt now. [omgwtfff isaac got a mobster T.T] which sucks. 10breeds while the others have like ninjas and burglars and glitchpaws. i'm doomed to be noobish. T.T thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great
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my A string broke yet again.
our lantern!(:
2Lystra minus band people!
MrsKoh and JingPei epicfailing.
okay yeah this picture is just stupid.