i felt super blur/emo today. -.- i dont know why.
certain people were annoying, and certain people dao-ed me as usual.
realized more than ever that i'll never fit in anywhere. thats the truth.
it will forever like i'm alien or something.
i dont know.
so many people dao me. i feel so ignored. and they're not supposed to dao me.
maybe i'm attention-seeking, yeah, but it doesnt feel good when people are seemingly DELIBERATELY ignoring you and you seem to be cut off from everyone else.
[what is my problem that i DESERVE TO BE IGNORED BY THESE PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE DAY. it's so confusing. can you please explain so i get an answer or at least feel less like a pile of useless shit.]
i guess this is why i was so dazed and hot-tempered this afternoon. i'm sorry, weiting. you didnt deserve my stupid outburst.
its so maddening and saddening at the same time.

band camp is over. as of today.
i hope i do good for the concert. i dont think i've practiced enough. i feel extremely slack.
i need to prove myself.
my parents already asked if i can reserve seats. -.-
i was off tune today. we went to go cancel our ensemble cos we're not prepared enough and we sound like crap.
i felt kindof wasted at first [that was when i got hot-tempered] but then i realized that if i did go up there i'd have a nervous breakdown and faint.
haha very funny.
polished my trombone today. mine is crap compared to the others. its all dotted and suckish with three tuning slides [?!] and no matter how much i polish it still looks mediocre.
i cant believe i just used the word.
mediocre.
i'm psycho yeah.
took photos today for band. i felt abit alone without cass in the group photo.
see how being left out feels. was saved by thiri in the second round of the group photos.
section photo was damn awkward. i felt awkward the whole time.
squad photo also awkward.
i'm not good with photos cos i'm no camwhore. -.-

my dad hasnt bought my D string, so i'm super bored.
i'm gonna go prac stuff on my mouthpiece. -.- so wuliao right.
can you see how screwed up my frikin life is. i've got NO life, and i've got NO sense of belonging anywhere except my family and with cass. [which is why i'm so thankful to her for GIVING me that sense of belonging. now i have everything else to worry about.]
can someone help fix me.
something's horribly wrong. its been wrong from the start and i cant fix it.
[guess that just the price i gotta pay] see i'm becoming better at quoting lyrics which mean something.
my life is so screwed.
i'm doomed.
there's no way i'll ever feel right for a long time. -.-

wondering when we're meeting up for math proj.
and rs.
and if anyone can fetch me home after class outing.
sigh. messed up. my dad is so...
made me rush off after band STRAIGHT. like: "YOU GO HOME IN TEN MINUTES OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO YOUR CONCERT YOU GET ME?"
wat is with all the threats.
i cant grow properly like this.
wth. this just reinforces the i'm doomed thing. walao.

does the pain weigh out the pride, and you look for a place to hide?

i felt super blur/emo today. -.- i dont know why.
certain people were annoying, and certain people dao-ed me as usual.
realized more than ever that i'll never fit in anywhere. thats the truth.
it will forever like i'm alien or something.
i dont know.
so many people dao me. i feel so ignored. and they're not supposed to dao me.
maybe i'm attention-seeking, yeah, but it doesnt feel good when people are seemingly DELIBERATELY ignoring you and you seem to be cut off from everyone else.
[what is my problem that i DESERVE TO BE IGNORED BY THESE PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE DAY. it's so confusing. can you please explain so i get an answer or at least feel less like a pile of useless shit.]
i guess this is why i was so dazed and hot-tempered this afternoon. i'm sorry, weiting. you didnt deserve my stupid outburst.
its so maddening and saddening at the same time.

band camp is over. as of today.
i hope i do good for the concert. i dont think i've practiced enough. i feel extremely slack.
i need to prove myself.
my parents already asked if i can reserve seats. -.-
i was off tune today. we went to go cancel our ensemble cos we're not prepared enough and we sound like crap.
i felt kindof wasted at first [that was when i got hot-tempered] but then i realized that if i did go up there i'd have a nervous breakdown and faint.
haha very funny.
polished my trombone today. mine is crap compared to the others. its all dotted and suckish with three tuning slides [?!] and no matter how much i polish it still looks mediocre.
i cant believe i just used the word.
mediocre.
i'm psycho yeah.
took photos today for band. i felt abit alone without cass in the group photo.
see how being left out feels. was saved by thiri in the second round of the group photos.
section photo was damn awkward. i felt awkward the whole time.
squad photo also awkward.
i'm not good with photos cos i'm no camwhore. -.-

my dad hasnt bought my D string, so i'm super bored.
i'm gonna go prac stuff on my mouthpiece. -.- so wuliao right.
can you see how screwed up my frikin life is. i've got NO life, and i've got NO sense of belonging anywhere except my family and with cass. [which is why i'm so thankful to her for GIVING me that sense of belonging. now i have everything else to worry about.]
can someone help fix me.
something's horribly wrong. its been wrong from the start and i cant fix it.
[guess that just the price i gotta pay] see i'm becoming better at quoting lyrics which mean something.
my life is so screwed.
i'm doomed.
there's no way i'll ever feel right for a long time. -.-

wondering when we're meeting up for math proj.
and rs.
and if anyone can fetch me home after class outing.
sigh. messed up. my dad is so...
made me rush off after band STRAIGHT. like: "YOU GO HOME IN TEN MINUTES OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO YOUR CONCERT YOU GET ME?"
wat is with all the threats.
i cant grow properly like this.
wth. this just reinforces the i'm doomed thing. walao.

does the pain weigh out the pride, and you look for a place to hide?