D: bah i cant sleep. its 3:06AM.
all my dad's fault. give us freedom until 4am cos of the concert.
i was quite happy about it. i mean the concert.
i think i did okay. but i screwed up a few notes.
at least i didnt drop my mute and at least i didnt whack any chairs.
stand by me was totally unexpected.
so i anyhow play. we didnt have the score so i faked.
it sounded quite like it, but i still screwed it, so...
i hope people liked the concert.
i tried my best, so i'm happy with it.
maybe i improved from this experience. :]

went to macs after at 11PM AT NIGHT. xD lol i didnt even know such a thing was possible.
ate alot of stuff but still hungry now.

i just didnt like my freaking blazer which is so huge and frustrating.
i was pissed with my blazer for about 10 minutes. -.-
see what kind of lame person i am.
i was completely preoccuped during those minutes before the performance itself.
seeing that person at the concert today made it a whole lot worse.
its weird wanting something you cant have.

i need to sleep.
but i cant. because i'm still thinking about it.
i'm so screwed.
dammit.
stupid week. made me feel so super emo. -.-
and confused.
i'm too paranoid these few days. i jump to some weird conclusions. after reading through all the posts i realize i'm never thinking.
wtf is wrong with my stupid brain.
i never freaking think. i pissed off some people cos i was being too emo and too self-absorbed.
cannot undo the damage.
i shouldnt have opened my big whiny mouth.
i'm damn angry with myself now.

[edit]
and if you're reading this, sarah, [i've read your recent post] i'm really sorry and i know you might not forgive me now but you should know i wasnt talking about you when i said i felt no sense of belonging because it was another group of people i was talking about and i cant believe i forgot to mention you because to tell the truth you're a big part of my life too. [i'm not just saying this to win your approval, or to be overly cheesy.]
you should also know that i feel really stupid about it and you probably knew that already cos you read the top half to get here.
so i cant undo whats done now and i really hope not to start another wreckingball fight again, so i'm sorry. you should know that i am grateful to you too for even forgiving me at that time because after looking back i didnt deserve that second chance you gave me and i might as well have blown it now.
i wasnt thinking when i made that conclusion because i was all jumpy about my grades. i should have asked you up front and i shouldnt have gone behind your back. i shouldnt even have made that conclusion.
i guess i never learn my lesson, just like my dad says.
i know i dont deserve to do what i did and i hope you understand.
because these past few days i've been really stupid.
yeah, i did enjoy performing today, but i really want to make this right again, because with the little friends i have i cant afford losing you again.
this is the second post i've ever posted asking for your forgiveness and hopefully i remember all that i'm supposed to and i dont have to do something like this again.
i'm really sorry. [i say this a hundred times it seems, i know. i just dont seem wired to learn from mistakes. its some stupid flaw i cant fix.]
yeah i sound very despo i know, but i cant name any other good friends that i have [cos i'm really antisocial and hopeless with friendships] besides you and cass so i really value your friendship.
i'll explain everything to you when i get the chance because i cant guarantee who reads my blog now.
[/edit]

i'll try and sleep now.
and hopefully i can think straight tomorrow so i wont mess anything else up.
need to show my cousin around singapore next week. i'll bring my homework when i sleepover at my aunt's place.

maybe in time you'll change your mind, now looking back i wish i could rewind.

D: bah i cant sleep. its 3:06AM.
all my dad's fault. give us freedom until 4am cos of the concert.
i was quite happy about it. i mean the concert.
i think i did okay. but i screwed up a few notes.
at least i didnt drop my mute and at least i didnt whack any chairs.
stand by me was totally unexpected.
so i anyhow play. we didnt have the score so i faked.
it sounded quite like it, but i still screwed it, so...
i hope people liked the concert.
i tried my best, so i'm happy with it.
maybe i improved from this experience. :]

went to macs after at 11PM AT NIGHT. xD lol i didnt even know such a thing was possible.
ate alot of stuff but still hungry now.

i just didnt like my freaking blazer which is so huge and frustrating.
i was pissed with my blazer for about 10 minutes. -.-
see what kind of lame person i am.
i was completely preoccuped during those minutes before the performance itself.
seeing that person at the concert today made it a whole lot worse.
its weird wanting something you cant have.

i need to sleep.
but i cant. because i'm still thinking about it.
i'm so screwed.
dammit.
stupid week. made me feel so super emo. -.-
and confused.
i'm too paranoid these few days. i jump to some weird conclusions. after reading through all the posts i realize i'm never thinking.
wtf is wrong with my stupid brain.
i never freaking think. i pissed off some people cos i was being too emo and too self-absorbed.
cannot undo the damage.
i shouldnt have opened my big whiny mouth.
i'm damn angry with myself now.

[edit]
and if you're reading this, sarah, [i've read your recent post] i'm really sorry and i know you might not forgive me now but you should know i wasnt talking about you when i said i felt no sense of belonging because it was another group of people i was talking about and i cant believe i forgot to mention you because to tell the truth you're a big part of my life too. [i'm not just saying this to win your approval, or to be overly cheesy.]
you should also know that i feel really stupid about it and you probably knew that already cos you read the top half to get here.
so i cant undo whats done now and i really hope not to start another wreckingball fight again, so i'm sorry. you should know that i am grateful to you too for even forgiving me at that time because after looking back i didnt deserve that second chance you gave me and i might as well have blown it now.
i wasnt thinking when i made that conclusion because i was all jumpy about my grades. i should have asked you up front and i shouldnt have gone behind your back. i shouldnt even have made that conclusion.
i guess i never learn my lesson, just like my dad says.
i know i dont deserve to do what i did and i hope you understand.
because these past few days i've been really stupid.
yeah, i did enjoy performing today, but i really want to make this right again, because with the little friends i have i cant afford losing you again.
this is the second post i've ever posted asking for your forgiveness and hopefully i remember all that i'm supposed to and i dont have to do something like this again.
i'm really sorry. [i say this a hundred times it seems, i know. i just dont seem wired to learn from mistakes. its some stupid flaw i cant fix.]
yeah i sound very despo i know, but i cant name any other good friends that i have [cos i'm really antisocial and hopeless with friendships] besides you and cass so i really value your friendship.
i'll explain everything to you when i get the chance because i cant guarantee who reads my blog now.
[/edit]

i'll try and sleep now.
and hopefully i can think straight tomorrow so i wont mess anything else up.
need to show my cousin around singapore next week. i'll bring my homework when i sleepover at my aunt's place.

maybe in time you'll change your mind, now looking back i wish i could rewind.