sigh.
short post.
they just started giving out lv&tt on muttons.
at least i got the whole album lol. i can listen to all the nicenice songs.
and computing today was weird.
kept having to do awkward scenes with jp. and a stupid long speech.
sigh. thats part of being the lead i guess.
i dont even know why i'm the lead. i cant act at all. i think i screwed everything sigh.

i've been feeling weird these few days.
something like: pain is the only escape.
somehow, pain feels like euphoria to me. its like, something that makes me feel better.
its like a drug or something.
i bathe in scorching hot water for a long time and dont care.
i'll bang my head on the wall until i have headache.
i scratch myself with pencil and wait until it bleeds. if it doesn't, i use a bookmark. (not the one chingying gave me, thats precious.)
i play my guitar so violently my hands and fingernails start hurting.
i think i've gone mad.
but somehow, it feels right.
help?

i need a way out. something that doesnt involve any self-mutilation.
hopefully my problem is solved soon. or else i'll need an intervention or counseling. it cant go on like this.
i'm doing whatever it takes.
i need to get out of this despo state.
its pathetic.

somehow i'm to blame, for this never-ending racetrack you call life.

sigh.
short post.
they just started giving out lv&tt on muttons.
at least i got the whole album lol. i can listen to all the nicenice songs.
and computing today was weird.
kept having to do awkward scenes with jp. and a stupid long speech.
sigh. thats part of being the lead i guess.
i dont even know why i'm the lead. i cant act at all. i think i screwed everything sigh.

i've been feeling weird these few days.
something like: pain is the only escape.
somehow, pain feels like euphoria to me. its like, something that makes me feel better.
its like a drug or something.
i bathe in scorching hot water for a long time and dont care.
i'll bang my head on the wall until i have headache.
i scratch myself with pencil and wait until it bleeds. if it doesn't, i use a bookmark. (not the one chingying gave me, thats precious.)
i play my guitar so violently my hands and fingernails start hurting.
i think i've gone mad.
but somehow, it feels right.
help?

i need a way out. something that doesnt involve any self-mutilation.
hopefully my problem is solved soon. or else i'll need an intervention or counseling. it cant go on like this.
i'm doing whatever it takes.
i need to get out of this despo state.
its pathetic.

somehow i'm to blame, for this never-ending racetrack you call life.